Epicureal Thoughts

Doing the Toronto PWA Friends for Life Bike Rally!!!

2010-04-20T15:15:00.002-04:00

I am extremely pleased and excited to be rejoining the Friends for Life Bike Rally for their 12th Year in support of the Toronto People With AIDS Foundation! This will be my 2nd year participating, but my first time as a rider. I look forward to joining the other courageous 400+ riders, which include my partner and many friends. This is an absolutely amazing, life altering experience, and I am so proud of all the men and women who put so much time and hard effort into this important cause. So many of us have been touched by this disease, and we all realize all to well, why we are here. These riders and our supporters are all part of an amazing endeavour to support a community that is all to often forgotten about. Knowing that there is so much community support, gives me even more strength and incentive to do well and make a difference. Your generous donation helps to fund services for thousands of men, women and children living with HIV/AIDS. You will receive a charitable tax receipt for all donations over $20.

If you would like to donate, please go to my pledge site @ http://my.e2rm.com/personalPage.aspx?registrationID=816619&LangPref=en-CA

You can also follow me on the bike rally, through my new Blog @ http://followmeonthebikerally.blogspot.com/

Sincerely, Alexander Wu

World AIDS Day

2006-12-01T13:06:00.000-05:00

Today, we remember the 40 million people infected with HIV and/or AIDS, and for those who have passed from this cursed disease. The irony that I share my 33rd Birthday with World AIDS Day is not lost on me. I have been hiv+ for almost 5 years now, and for me, looking in the mirror reminds me that every day is World AIDS Day.

We have become complacent in our thoughts, ideas and actions. So many people are still suffering this disease and most of them are suffering with so much less than us. We all share many things in common, but above all is our Humanity, and compassion.

As I write and look at the statistics, tears flow. Please, please, please, I beg of you all, to remember to give or do what you can to fight this disease. Give to your local AIDS charity, hospice or write to your local politicians or community leaders. Help by extending a hand by giving the one thing we value so much these days: your time. Give it willingly and volunteer or spend the time educating yourself, friends, family, and children that this disease is still here, with no cure. It is still here haunting and destroying us and we cannot be complacent about that.

Remember having the disease, does NOT make us diseased. The warm touch of a compassionate heart can heal in so many ways, so please don't turn away.

If you would like to read more about my personal exeriences and struggles, please go to my alternate blog Epicureal Thoughts.

Here are some staggering statistics from Avert:

Estimate

Range

People living with HIV/AIDS in 2006	39.5 million	34.1-47.1 million
Adults living with HIV/AIDS in 2006	37.2 million	32.1-44.5 million
Women living with HIV/AIDS in 2006	17.7 million	15.1-20.9 million
Children living with HIV/AIDS in 2006	2.3 million	1.7-3.5 million
People newly infected with HIV in 2006	4.3 million	3.6-6.6 million
Adults newly infected with HIV in 2006	3.8 million	3.2-5.7 million
Children newly infected with HIV in 2006	0.53 million	0.41-0.66 million
AIDS deaths in 2006	2.9 million	2.5-3.5 million
Adult AIDS deaths in 2006	2.6 million	2.2-3.0 million
Child AIDS deaths in 2006	0.38 million	0.29-0.50 million

Some more statistics:

More than 25 million people have died of AIDS since 1981.

Africa has 12 million AIDS orphans.

At the end of 2006, women accounted for 48% of all adults living with HIV worldwide, and for 59% in sub-Saharan Africa.

Young people (15-24 years old) account for half of all new HIV infections worldwide - around 6,000 become infected with HIV every day.

In developing and transitional countries, 6.8 million people are in immediate need of life-saving AIDS drugs; of these, only 1.65 million are receiving the drugs.

Changing Times...quick news and thoughts....

2006-11-08T13:33:00.000-05:00

I'm too busy to make a commentary on every damned thing that has been in the news. There is way too much to comment on, and too little time, but here's a list of things that are on my mind:

Dick Cheney believes dunking prisoners is a 'no brainer"? So when did the Geneva Convention become open for interpretation? Read this amazing article, by Heather Mallick. She quotes so precisely that "We don't learn from war; we repeat it. We don't prevent war; we perfect it."
When and will these bastards be accountable for their actions and deception?
Rumsfeld resigns...well it's about fucking time.
Democrats are majority in the House of Representatives...well, it's about fucking time.
Hopefully, they will also win in the Senate.
Goodbye Santorum!
Goodbye Ted Haggard, you ~~Muther~~ prostitute fucking whore of a hypocrite!
I wonder if the Religious Right still thinks it can sit Holier Than Thou, and preach to us about the Morals and Ethics of religion?
I wonder if the honourable Stephen Harper is cringing at the thought of losing status of Mini Me. 24 Sussex Drive needs to be vacated and fumigated.

On a side note, life is going well. Our perpetual renovation and painting is slowly starting up again. My personal artwork is also taking on momentum. Rib Breaker has been in better spirits and state of mind recently, and will soon be massaging again at a new, beautiful clinic in the Beaches, with some friends from another establishment, who have now gone out on their own.

Begging up the Wrong Leg

2006-10-19T23:07:00.000-04:00

Yes, yes, yes. I know I am on a hiatus, but this just happened and I had to share it.

RB and I had been visiting a friend of his up along Queen and Strachan for the evening. I had a long day and knew tomorrow would be busy, so we decided to head out after Survivor at 9pm. As we were leaving the building, we saw the streetcar coming. So as not to have to wait another 30 minutes for the next streetcar, we made a mad dash to catch it. At the time, I was also immersed, multi-tasking, by typing away tomorrows schedule with my Crackberry. All of a sudden, a woman of about 50, considerably overweight, wearing a toque and dirty torn grey sweats, who (no offense) looked as though she lived on the streets, popped suddenly out of the bus shelter. She took me by surprise and mumbled something quite incoherently to me. In my haste to catch the streetcar, I couldn't quite make out what she said, but thought she asked:

"Do you have any money?" with nary a smile.

I replied, "No sorry, I don't have any change", and made a gesture by shaking my pockets to explain.

She gave me a dirty look as I passed, but didn't say anything. As I caught up to RB, I noticed he was laughing and it occurred to me she had also asked him the same question. It then occurred to me that she wasn't asking for money. What she really said was,

"Would you like some company?" with nary a smile.

Aside from being gay, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want her company if every man on this planet were dead and she was the last transexual with a big penis. Although, I may have thought it, I would never say such a mean thing. I couldn't help but wonder who would want her company, but felt terrible that my response may have left her thinking she wasn't worth my change.

continued hiatus

2006-10-11T11:26:00.000-04:00

It's been a rollercoaster of a ride these last few weeks. Emotions have been high and tears have flowed deeply. We are on the mend and life continues, though thoughts of our puppy will always be there.

I wanted to say "Thanks" again to everyone who has given words of encouragement and sympathy. It really has helped, and both Davy and I are thankful for such kind people in our lives.

As a side note, I am going to take some additional time off and think about what it is I want to do with my life. Blogging has been a wonderful experience. I have met many amazing people and have used this medium as an experiment and a therapy. It has helped a great deal with my daily life and I intend to get back to it, but I currently need to focus on other projects, like my painting and art. I have found a renewed passion for it, and have put my heart and hand to the canvas once again.It truly is a remarkable feeling, regaining passion for something that I once loved, then lost.

I will see you all soon, and will be back in a couple of weeks. Until then, be well and take good care of yourselves.

Much Love,
epi (aka Alex)

Goodbye my baby

2006-10-02T20:11:00.000-04:00

For 15 years, she remained my companion and friend. She comforted me in my darkest moments and was the source of so much joy. She never judged me and forgave me for every trespass, greeting and loving me every day I came home. I loved her more than words can say, and tearfully after a long struggle, we had to let her go. She tried so hard to remain by our side, fighting so valiantly and faithfully, but we know we made the right decision. Though our pain and sadness is great and deep, her pain was far greater and we knew keeping her would be nothing less then selfish.

Goodbye my sweet baby. My sweet Kalyx. I will always love you.
Sleep, sleep well and know I will always remain your loyal companion.

Love Always,
Alex and Davy

In Gods name...

2006-09-22T10:09:00.000-04:00

September 22, 2006

Indonesian Executions Lead to Violence

By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

Filed at 6:45 a.m. ET

By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

Published: September 22, 2006

PALU, Indonesia (AP) -- Christian mobs torched cars, blockaded roads and looted Muslim-owned shops in violence touched off by Friday's executions of three Roman Catholics convicted of instigating attacks on Muslims.

-------------------------------------------

I actually saw this article on Andy's Last Debate and was so infuriated that I had to actually post my own commentary.

Oh, the hypocrisy that has been made of religions and this notion of justice and god's love. Andy had titled his post "Do Unto Others". Whether he was quoting the Bible, where it is probably most well-known for, I am not clear. However, it should be noted that very similar phrases appear in many Ancient texts and/or dialogues, from Socrates to Confucious to the Koran and Talmud. My point is that if all these religions and philosophers have spouted similar ideas of good deeds and of neighbourly love, where then, are the good deeds and neighbourly love?

"Where's the Beef" I ask?

A little mathematical equation pops in my head, everytime something like this happens:

Bible(Human inability to think for themselves) + Koran(Human inability to think for themselves) = stupidity

This is what happens, when you take a human construct like the Bible/Koran/whatever, that speaks of doing good deeds in one text, then of "smiting" in others, and the human need to define themselves by something other than their own brain. Again, the hypocrisy.

"Do Unto others" indeed. Maybe they are all masochists, seeking sexual pleasure in their annihilation. This simply solidifies the belief that religion, rather than being an instrument of love and spiritual growth, has been bastardised into an instrument for personal agendas.

"In the name of Allah"
"In God we Trust."
"God Bless America"
"God will protect us..."

Every damned person and every damned leader is calling god to their side, and each believes that they will prevail with god's power and their blind faith. If this wasn't a sign that god has a cruel sense of humour, nothing does.

I apologise, if this offends the sensibilities of religious folk, but in all honesty, all this "in the name of "put name of god here" bullcrap offends my sensibilities as a human being.

Everyone seems to be invoking god's name as the reason for their crusades. It is infantile and disgusting. Personal responsibility has been shirked under god's protection, so that leaders and individuals will have a clearer conscience for the murder or persecution of others who do not follow their faith.

So people, do your god a favour and leave him/her alone. I'm pretty sure s/he has better things to do, like creating a star than dealing with your stupidity and intolerance.

Amen.

A new Blog starting

2006-09-15T10:13:00.000-04:00

Hi All,

I am starting a new blog, letters-from-the-past that will contain written Diary entries and letters from others, over the past 20 years. It was a little project I wanted to start sometime ago, but soon realised it was a lot bigger than I thought. Sorting through the hundreds of paper entries chronologically has been a difficult task, so I have decided to enter them randomly, with the only caveat being that they were moments in my life that signified a momentous change in thought or behaviour.

I am in a far different place, emotionally and spiritually these days. It is still a struggle at times, but I find comfort in knowing I have grown and shown some maturity in my aging.

I won't be stopping my other Blogs. This will be a workling project. An anthology I suppose of my thoughts and emotional growth.

Cheers,
Epi

Give a dog a Bone

2006-09-11T14:08:00.000-04:00

Did you get the recent Canadian Ikea catalogue delivered to your home? Turn to the page 2 insert and have a look at the dog and tell me if something looks odd.

Need a closer look?

Apparently, the story was that a disgruntled employee superimposed his penis on the dog. That according to an Ikea spokesperson, is not true. The "penis" is in fact the dogs leg. The dog has now been given the nickname "Swedish Sausage". I don't know what kind of breed this dog is, but I think the father is John Holmes

Summer Updates

2006-08-07T12:02:00.001-04:00

The summer has been great. Hot and beautiful, just the way I like it. Life has been rather uneventful, thus I haven't been posting much. My dog Kalyx, however celebrated her 15th birthday in mid June. I took her to the Vet to get a check-up as she is beginning to show her age these days. She's having difficulty going to the washroom and hass gotten a bit more incontinent.

The vet says it's the natural progression, but was still flabbergasted that she was doing so well for her breed being a Shephard Cross. Anyhow, we're trying to keep her as comfy and happy as possible, and part of her treatment is to keep her entertained and mentally alert, so we have been teaching her tricks to perform. From these videos, you would think she was still a puppy!

Kalyx tricks: Liver Treats

Kalyx tricks at Age 15

HNT

2006-07-13T11:04:00.000-04:00

Both pictures were taken May 24 at the Chalet (Thanks to IrishBoy for helping me take these). Happy HNT!

I am still taking time off from the Blogdom working on a few things, specifically my tan. I'm not quite so pale anymore, as the picture depicts. Hope the Summer is going well for all of you.

And no, my eyes are not blue or grey. It was the reflection of the clouds at dusk.

Summer vacation

2006-06-22T13:43:00.000-04:00

Heya All,

Going with the absent theme, I am going to continue my vacation through the Summer. I ay post every now and then, but think I've exhausted the blogging neurons for the moment. Pride Week in Toronto has already begun and tomorrow is the first big date for partying, when the streets close down, and a million or so people revel and celebrate in the history and diverseness of our Community. I look forward to the celebrations, the sun, the hot sweaty men and the booze.

I'll post pictures after.

Cheers.

I'm an Uncle

2006-06-07T12:26:00.000-04:00

Yay! I'm an Uncle!

Congratulations to my brother and sister-in-law! She gave birth to a healthy girl, 7 pounds 6oz. She looks kinda mushed up right now (the baby, not the mother), but is super cute with lots of hair and a ferocious appetite. Mum was in labour for 15 hours with no epidural. I don't know how she did it, but she did very well and looked great despite the long labour.

Obviously, I haven't had much time to post and likely will be absent for a bit more. Take care for now and I'll hopefully get a chance to catch up on your blogs soon.

Victoria Long Weekend in Review

2006-05-23T15:21:00.000-04:00

The weekend was pretty chockful of activities and I am still tired from all the different events. Friday, I went to see The DaVinci Code. I can't say that I was all that impressed, but thought there were some good moments during the flick. I guess I always find it difficult to watch a movie after I have read the book. They simply never seem to do them justice. That evening, RB and a slew of other friends went to a cocktail party at Miso Honi's place. Saturday, 7 friends and I drove North to a friends Chalet in Beaver Valley, which is situated on a beautiful private ski resort. Saturday's weather was beautiful and I took a hike on my own in the late afternoon. It was nice to get away and be alone and bond with nature again. Skiing was obviously shutdown, but a major storm came through and gave us a bit of winter on the Sunday morning. We returned Sunday afternoon, then headed out to a club for a bit of dancing. Don't have much time to post more, so I've posted some pics.

Saturday: ski hills and valley. The hills are quite steep and it took me an hour to get down the hills and back around.

ski machinery graveyard. I love Urban decay. Beauty exists everywhere.

Sunset: snow making machines

Urban decay: snow making machine graveyard

Sunset and a babbling brook

Hat antics: We found the hats and decided to have an impromptu hat party. As you can tell, we could barely keep a straight face.

Miso Honi and his Episcopalian costume found in the closet. I almost peed in my pants watching him pose.

Snow Sunday morning. Yes, it was May 21.

My Fan base leaves me wondering what's wrong with them.

2006-05-18T13:47:00.000-04:00

Curious to find out who my fans were I decided to follow in Tornwordo's footsteps and do a Traffic search on my blog. This is what showed up in the search engines that directed people to my site:

pimples on testicles - referencing these posts: 1, 2
emotional damage from childhood enemas - referencing these posts: 1, 2, 3

For the record, I do not and never had any pimples on my nuts, thank you very much. I keep them, clean, groomed and well scrubbed. Two, I never had a childhood enema, and none of my adult ones ever resulted in any psychological fuck up, just a good clean fuck.

Who comes up with these qeuries and most importantly WHY?

BBQ Chicken and the roasting of traditionalism

2006-05-17T07:50:00.000-04:00

Growing up in a household where the preferred method for dealing with family issues, was to ignore them and remain in silence, taught me at an early age that personal issues were a dirty topic. There is a saying in Chinese that “We do not wash our dirty laundry in public” and it says a lot about the traditional ways of the Chinese culture.

When I came out to my parents and brother almost 18 years go, I had imagined at the time that they would accept and love me unconditionally, despite these traditions. I was naive, and didn't understand that the culture and traditions of my people were instilled so deeply in my parents.. I didn't realise that my parents had invested in me their dreams of a future. Dreams quite different from mine own, and my telling them that I was gay, would smash those dreams on the rocks of reality.

In all of this, I discovered that these cultural ideas of respect and honour were also instilled in me. I knew that I would bring shame on my family if I spoke about being gay, so I kept my mouth shut and went back into the closet for 4 more years, all the while becoming more curious about experimenting and living my life truly as the person I was.

I was young and confused. Tortured and lost. In addition to the Cultural responsibility, I was also raised in a Catholic home, went to an all-boys Catholic school, and my grandfather was an evangelical reverend. I had more than my share of baggage and realised very quickly that my being gay was not going to be easy. The 80’s had just passed, and being gay was still looked upon with derision. The AIDs epidemic fueled the stigma of gays as a disease on society and I was only too aware of it. My parents and family though liberal in many ways, were traditionalists when it came to family and their children. Yet, I still held out, believing that love was unconditional and that it would rise above all things.

However, as the years passed the hope that I would be embraced with family approval and love began to fade and I psychologically acceded that my parents and family would never want anything to do with my "gay' lifestyle. The idea that your family is not supportive of you in any endeavour is hard enough. Believing that they want nothing to do with your partner and future family is even harder. It was particularly hard attending family events and holiday get togethers, watching everyone interact with each others husband, wife, daughter or son, all the while unable to talk about yours. I always wondered if they knew how I felt, or how lonely and isolated I was from my family. Though we saw each other fairly regularly, I was always mindful that there was a wedge in our relationship, because I was unable to share my life, joys and happiness with them.

However, everything comes full circle. This past Saturday, my brother Woozy celebrated his 35th Birthday and he and his wife J sent out an email earlier in the week to me, inviting me and RB to the bbq. This invite meant more to me than they could possibly imagine. For 17 years, my identity as a gay man and any relationship I ever had was never discussed with my family, and never acknowledged.

All anybody in this world wants is to be Acknowledged.

So, I arrived at my brothers place mid-afternoon and prepared the BBQ withmy sister-in-law. RB was still working so he didn’t arrive till 8ish after all my brothers friends, and in-laws had arrived. Upon RB’s arrival, my brother and sister-in-law greeted him warmly and introduced him to the family and friends. It was an amazing experience for me, because for the first time I felt a bond and connection to my family that I hadn’t experienced before. My brother, wife and all her siblings and their partners welcomed us and treated us equally. I didn’t feel like a cast-off, nor did I feel any trepidation, fear or embarrassment about my life and partner. We were welcomed as part of the family and I was so full of happiness and pride that I was beaming and glowing. To feel equal in the eyes of those you love and to know they mean it, is something I know I will never take advantage of again.

So, I am very thankful. I am thankful that people do change for the better and that I was proven wrong. I am thankful that a new stage in my life has opened up, and that I no longer need to feel ashamed of anything. And I am most thankful for my brother and his wife for looking at me straight in the eyes, and acknowledging RB and I for who we are. Partners and Lovers, No different than they.

What’s more, I left knowing that I no longer had any dirty laundry.

Summerts

2006-05-10T09:39:00.000-04:00

Last night, RB and I headed over to visit his friend Scott, whom we hadn't seen in a couple of months. We had dinner, chatted and later relaxed with a rolled dessert and headed home after 9pm. We got on the streetcar and headed East back to the City. As we were cruising along Queen St. West, we were marvelling at how much the neighbourhood had changed in the last 15 years. It was trendy and high-end funky boutiques were everywhere. As we passed the GAP, RB looked quizzically out the window.

RB: "What the hell are Summerts?"
Me (now looking out the window): "A what?"
RB: "What are Summerts?"
Me: "Where the hell are you looking?
RB: "Over there at the GAP."
Me: "I have no idea what your talking about."
RB: "Oh wait....ummm. forget it. (Starts laughing hysterically)
Me: "What?
RB: "Umm it said Summer T's"

6 degrees of separation & a Thought

2006-05-05T10:08:00.000-04:00

Last night, RB, a friend of his, and I went to an opening for a photo exhibit of Thailand after the Tsunami. The pictures were taken by RB's co-worker Maggie, while she was visiting there on a trip shortly after the disaster. Maggie had gone with her friend Lisa to the devastated region and both returned with pictures and decided to do an exhibit with the proceeds going to the Tsunami Relief Fund.

I decided to call my best friend Anne-Marie (aka Babycakes) to see what she was doing and if she wanted to go. It turns out that her colleague was Maggie's cousin and they were all heading there together to support her. We laughed at the irony of it all and how people were connected. When I got to the cafe where the exhibit was taking place, a familiar voice called out my name. I turned and there was my co-worker standing in the doorway. It seems his fiance is the cousin of Lisa and they too were there to support.

All of this got me thinking about the Six Degrees of Separation Theory proposed by Frigyes Karinthy in 1929. The theory is that everyone on the planet is somehow connected to another person on the planet through a chain of no-more than 4 other acquaintances. The idea that we are all connected in some way, gives me comfort and makes me feel closer to each person I know. It also makes me wonder why there is so much hatred, bitterness and strife in this world. If we are all connected, are not each of us brothers and sisters? I know the thought is rather juvenile and I realise that the politics of the world can't be reduced to such simplicity. But what if they were? Imagine what we could do or accomplish if we all thought of each other as a connected network of family and friends.

Imagine no more hate, pain, famine or war.

The beauty of it all seems so clear in my mind, but I realise that I am a dreamer and that the reality of life on this planet is far more complicated than this one theory. But I still have hope that things will change and that possibly you or I can illicit change through our network of connections.

So, with this in mind, I proposition you all on a project that I have been ruminating upon. To some, the idea may seem rather foolish or bizarre, but I believe there is something in this idea that can potentially make a change, be it in society, yourself, or the World.

Maybe all.

There is a need for change. A need for compassion and understanding in our World, that I think we have forgotten about. Our lives have become so complex and frenetic, what with our jobs, families, social lives and own personal issues, that we have lost sight of the other role we play as members of a Global community. My belief is that through action we can often discover something beautiful in ourselves and others, and that it will plant a seed for change. I believe that every person in this world is connected in some way, and that a single action of good can start a wave that will continue and travel across the globe. Just imagine the following scenario, which I recently experienced:

You are walking down the street. The ominous clouds indicate imminent rain and everyone is rushing about, focused on their own worries and destinations. Then, out of the blue, your briefwork bag breaks and the contents spread across the sidewalk, the wind carrying many of your work papers across the street. You stop, curse and can’t believe your day is going to shit, when a stranger begins to pick your papers up in front of you and out of the gutter. Another person sees that person, realises what is happening and also begins to help. Soon people across the street are running about and into the street to assist. You are dumbfounded, but also immensely grateful to these strangers. Soon, all is recovered. Everyone smiles and your Thanks are noted and everyone carries on with their day.

You, continue to work, smiling despite having your papers in disarray. You are thankful and feel a bit of warmth that others were so kind. The strangers in turn, walk away with a slight spring to their step. They too realise that they have done something kind and that it may have helped this stranger. No names, numbers or words were exchanged, yet everyone feels the same warmth, the same sense of community. These people continue this sense of well-being through the day, and it is infectious and without realising it, they have affected hundreds of people indirectly, through one single act of kindness.

I suppose, none of this is all that new. People always talk about doing good things, and many people do. As I mentioned, I have a project in mind that I have been working on for a year or more that I hope will come to fruition. All of my recent experiences have indicated that I need to do more with my life and that I need to give back. I've never been one to believe in destiny, but I am beginning to wonder if everything that is or has happened to me has some reason. I hate getting all spiritual and philosophical about it, but just stay tuned, as I may need your advice, help or hand.

Much love,
Epi

P.S. I realise that this post is the epitomy of tangential thinking, but my thought process tends to run like a train wreck, from one thing to the other until I actually find some valuable lesson from my experiences.

Coppers

2006-05-04T14:41:00.000-04:00

As some of you may know, my work is rather eclectic in that it is technical, but revolves around planning, design, consultation and technical support. One of my clients happens to be the Toronto Police, so yesterday I went out on a field ride in one of their off-duty unmarked cruisers. We were doing some technical network tests around the Danforth (a street in Toronto), where they were experiencing some latency issues. The area is known for it's problems and gangsta-style kids who walk around with attitude and pants that hang at their knees.

Our tests required numerous stops, U-Turns and circling of the area. Obviously, this made residents rather suspicious and to be honest, the unmarked cruiser isn't all that inconspicuous to most kids and residents in the area, who probably thought we were doing some surveillance. What we didn't expect was to be pulled over by another on-duty cruiser.

Our driver, who is part of the Police Force, but within the I.T unit pulled over, and started to laugh and joke about how this had never happened before. We turned on the radio and tuned into the frequency for that Police division:

Dispatcher: Officer pulling over suspected 2-0-8.
Officer: We have the cruiser pulled over. No obvious signs of damage. Three visible occupants. I don't think this is the 2-0-8. Description does not match.
Dispatcher: Your orders are to intercept and contact this 2-0-8. Proceed please.
Officer: Approaching driver side. It is an off duty unmarked cruiser, but it looks like...

The officer comes into sight and looks at us and starts to laugh and says to us:

Officer: Hmmmph, I thought that was what this was.
Our driver: Heya, how are you officer?
Officer: Good, thanks. Sorry, we were ordered to pull you over.
OD: What's going on?
Officer: One sec.
Oficer (to dispatcher): Cancel the 2-0-8 . It's one of our Mobile I.T cruisers. Will update shortly. Over.
Officer (turns back to us, smiling): So, I assume you guys are testing the dead spots?
OD (pointing at us): Yeah, these guys are from (company) and are on the run with us to troubleshoot.
Officer: Nice to meet ya. Sorry for the scare. We just got a call in that there was a stolen unmarked Police cruiser, that was on a rampage driving into other cars. Apparently you have been driving in circles and were seen as suspicious by 2 other cruisers.

How much more excitement can I ask for? Woo Hoo?

Cirque de So Gay and Maidens of the Mist

2006-05-02T14:13:00.000-04:00

Aside from being too lazy to post, I've been rather busy with home renovations, painting canvasses and catching up on reading. In the midst of all this, I have had the chance to do a few fun things on the weekend. A few weeks ago, a group of friends, and co-workers went to the Toronto School of Circus Arts, where we learned to Trapeze. It was incredibly fun and it helped me conquer some major obstacles and fears with heights. I did quite well for myself, and completed a number of different tricks. Pictures unfortunately were forbidden during this lesson, but I was able to get a video of RB doing his act during a previous visit, video provided below (I'm climbing the ladder on the left):

This past weekend, 2 of my friends, Paulina and Dragonfly took a day trip to Niagara Falls, where I tried my virginal hand on the slot machines with all the Blue hairs and obviously die-hard addicts. I stopped at a loss of $25.00 and vowed to never play again. A complete waste of money, but an expereince nonetheless. After walking about, we visited the Inniskillin winery, which was packed with tourists, most notably Japanese and Chinese, who for some reason absolutely LOVE Ice wine. A great time was had by all, and I've posted a few pics below.

The drive in Paulina's new car. I just had a Redbull, can you tell?

Spring along the Niagara Canadian Side.

Daffodils...god I love Spring!

Dragonfly, Paulina and me

Me and Paulina

Maiden of the Mists

Maiden of the Mists and rainbows

The Falls

The view from the Canadian side.

Dragonfly and Paulina

Paulina and me posing

HNT and nothing new

2006-04-27T21:08:00.000-04:00

Sorry all. I know I promised that I would be a bit more active in the blogdom, but work has been been busy, as has life. So here are 2 pictures of me at work.

HNT: Half Nekkid Thursdays...(ahem) Friday

2006-04-21T07:49:00.000-04:00

I realise I am fully nude here, but you only see half of me so I think it qualifies. I had just woken up to dawn and decided that I had better participate...better late than never. Got the camera. Setup. Done.
-----------------------------------------------------
I've been busy, but I'll be back soon to actually post something of interest.

Happy HNT!

Balanced with an Explanation

2006-04-13T14:04:00.000-04:00

Well, I guess an explanation is due. I didn't mean to sound so cryptic or to set off alarms with y'all, but I was going through some peculiar events the last 3 weeks which I was not accustomed to.

Let me explain.

I have been seeing a rheumatologist for the last 9 years for various joint and rheumatic issues, and was diagnosed with a series of diseases such as Ankylosing Spondylitis, Sjogren's Syndrome and intermittent sciatica. In the medical melee, I was also diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) and was seeing a Gastroenterologist for that. I know, I know. Makes me sound like an medical mess, but trust me, I live a rather healthy and normal lifestyle.

Anyhow, both specialists separately decided to prescribe the Tricyclic anti-depressant Amitriptyline (Elavil, Endep) to treat the pain and symptoms. Apparently, using these anti-depressants, helps with neural damage by blocking pain messages to the brain, or by helping in the production of endorphins (body's natural pain killers). The dosage was low, but the effects were psycho-traumatic for me. I started to feel anxious and was losing concentration both at home and at work. I couldn't focus on the smallest of tasks and began to have unnerving thoughts that I was going crazy. I felt as though I was outside of my body and that I had no control over my life or thoughts. I was manic one moment, then depressed 10 minutes later.
To top it all off, I started having bizarre dreams where I was running or being chased. I literally thought I was losing my mind. The emotional and characteristic changes did not go unnoticed by friends, colleagues or RB. My general disposition is one of a happy-go lucky individual, but the drug brought out a very dark and paranoid side.

All of this began to culminate on Sunday, when I was painting and went into a manic painting frenzy. Over the following 3 days, I had numerous anxiety attacks, and decided to stop the medication completely. I am back to normal now, and am glad to be sane again. It really was not an experience I would want to re-live, but it put some perspective on what it is like for all those out there who deal with depression or anxiety. I won't ever discount their feelings again.

Trust me.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you to all of you who commented or sent messages my way. You truly have no idea how much it meant to me to have support from you all! XOXOXO

Balancing Act

2006-04-12T14:15:00.000-04:00

Hi All,

Life has been rather hectic as of late and my priorities have had to shift to accomodate. I have a few personal things to work out, but worry not, I am well otherwise. Thanks for all the emails and comments as to my whereabouts.

I have realised that without steady structure in my life, I tend to spiral out of control. I am susceptible to erratic behaviour when I lose sight of my goals and ambitions, and this can be a very scary thing. I am not one that gives control and power away easily, and have found that when any one aspect of my life is in unsychronized, I am thrown for a loop. For me, everything must be in balance for things to function well. I am usually very good at keeping things in check, but as of recent, I've been walking around a little off kilter.

As you can tell, I have taken some time off. I am cleaning house right now and getting my brain, spirit and body back on track, and will be back soon.

Cheers,
epi

I Must, I Must, I Must increase my Bust.

2006-03-28T14:12:00.000-05:00

I am sore. Aching actually. Every move that I make hurts and I love it.

Rib Breaker and I have been working out fiendishly the last 2 weeks and I hope to continue with the momentum. I have always been on the slim and ectomorphic side and I now have a desire to bulk up and increase muscle mass. It takes a lot of work and I am finding the results quite promising. So, if any of you have suggestions and tips on how to gain effective weight and muscle mass please let me know. I already have a very high metabolism and consume close to 3000 plus calories a day. My goal is to stay trim and focus on core muscle groups like my back and Abs as well as add to my very flat chest. I would love to achieve part of this before summer so that the shirt can come off without feeling embarrassed or skinny, so wish me luck.

Happy HNT!

2006-03-23T13:08:00.000-05:00

I've been incredibly busy the last few weeks, so I apologise for the lack of posts and visits to your Blogs. The cold grey weather is making me long for the warmth of summer, so in honour of the Summer Sun, I am posting a picture of last year.

Happy HNT!

Peeling back the Layers

2006-03-19T15:22:00.000-05:00

We woke up early for a Saturday morning, as we had a busy day ahead. We rushed about the home in preparation, dashing out of the doors just after 8am. We walked briskly. The March sun was trying to poke it's way through the clouds, but old man winter was doing it's best to hold tight. Each time the wind took a swing at us, it took a chunk of warmth right out of our exposed flesh. It was bitterly cold. Mother Nature was being a tease and all I could think of was Spring and it's promise of warmth. We borrowed a friend's car and headed out for our trip to visit Rib Breaker's dad in Trenton. I had never met his dad, but had seen a few pictures at Rib Breaker's old apartment and on our trip to visit his mum in North Bay back in November.

The last they saw each other was September of last year, and RB had been wanting to go for sometime now. We headed East on the 401 arriving just after 11am. His father worked for the Canadian Military and Trenton AFB was one that he had worked at for a number of years. It was where RB was born and I got a glimpse into his world as a child. RB drove me around Trenton and pointed out the homes where he had lived. One such house he told me was so old and dillapidated that the home was insulated with bales of hay. In the winter time, the only source of heat was from a small woodstove that barely produced enough heat to keep them warm. The picture he painted was one of a tough childhood, with little money. He told me, on the really cold days he would wake up early and fill the tub with hot water and go sleep in there so that he could shake off the chill. He also told me that he could only draw the water slowly, or else pebbles would come rolling out of the faucet. I kept thinking, "do people really live like that?" How could people in a wealthy nation live in such poverty. I had always lived quite comfortably, even after my family went bankrupt on a business venture back in the early 80's. It was sobering to think that I might have complained about my living situation when he could barely keep himself warm on a winter morning.

We eventually drove into Trenton and got to his Dad's place. It was a small house shouldered between the Bay of Quinte and the Trent river. His father greeted us at the door with his dog Keisha. His father was slender with shoulder length silver blonde hair, soft kind blue eyes and an even softer voice. The resemblance was uncanny. He grabbed RB and they hugged for what seemed an eternity. I had to avert my eyes. It was such an intimate moment and I didn't want to intrude. I have noticed in RB, this incredible sensitivity and soft heart. He dons this tough protective mask a lot of the times, but in reality he's just a 10 year old kid in a 38 year old man's body. His love is unconditional and pure. They hugged, and kissed and it warmed the cold ktchen and me. Father and son together again.

We sat casually around the kitchen table as though we had been there just a week ago. Shooting the shit, we chatted about each other and his 16 year old dog, who kept waddling over for more treats. RB's older sister, boyfriend and her daughter came just after noon and we all sat around chatting and laughing. Rb's niece just had a baby boy 2 weeks prior and this was the first RB got to meet him. He was adorable and so tiny. RB took 2 week old Logan and cradled him, then fed and burped him. Watching him, made me fall in love with him all over again.

We spent the day in the kitchen. The silence was sometimes awkward but not uncomfortable. I sensed in David the years of loneliness and frustration of being away from his family and understood more, why he was the way he was. We headed out for dinner which RB and I paid for, then headed back to his dad's place, where we sat for a bit longer before bidding our farewells. I didn't want to push him. I know he could have sat and stayed there forever.

When we finally got up, he first hugged his sister, then his dad. Tears flowed and they didn't say much. His father turned to me with a great big smile, his eyes twinkling, but rimmed in sadness and said "You take good care of him, alright?" They all had the same eyes. Piercing blue, grey rimmed with years of hardship and pain, yet all that emanated from them was love and kindness. I just nodded my head and hugged him again.

We drove home in relative silence. There wasn't much to say as I knew the trip would be hard on him. When we got into the comforts of our home, RB began to cry and I consoled him, the way he had with me 2 weeks past. When his crying subsided, we spoke softly to each other and he fell asleep in my arms.

There are few things in life more precious than seeing true genuine love. Before RB, I never understood what love was or could be. When we met, I thought I was the one who would teach him or fix him, and in the end, it was he who fixed me.

Babycakes, I love you

2006-03-09T10:30:00.000-05:00

There have been many people in my life who have given me strength and support, through good times and bad. I love these people with all my heart and I am thankful for their constancy and stalwart strength with which I draw upon. There are many to mention, but for the purposes of this post, I will speak of one who speaks volumes and whom I am indebted to for life.

Anne-Marie (aka Annie) and I met back in 1999 while in Montreal during the Black & Blue Festival. We met through other mutual friends who now form a Core group of closely knit friends, that we fondly refer to as the Cottage Crew. Annie and I, quickly became friends. Her beautiful smile and warm heart drew me to her and we were instantly connected. I was 26 and finding my way in life and decided to move in with Annie and her other roommate in 2000. Their third roomie was leaving so I was filling in a gap. As we became closer, our relationship intensified and we spent all our time together. She was my Grace and I was her Will. We knew every intimate detail about each other and could understand each other without a word. Sometimes it was comical, and sometimes it was tragically dysfunctional, but our friendship was always infinite and absolute.

When I discovered my HIV status in June 2002, she was my rock. There are many others who were there as well, namely the Joy Luck Club whom I also am indebted to for life. That is another intensely personal relationship that I will have to save for another day. Annie was working for the Canadian Foundation for AIDS Research (CANFAR) at the time and the news hit her hard, but she still stood by me and allowed me to grieve and cry on her shoulder.

As time progressed we became even closer and it is now a relationship that I find difficult to express in words. There are no words that can do it justice. There is an understanding and a compassion there that we both share. I am her Monkey and she is my Babycakes. It will never change. It can only grow stronger.

Babycakes, I love you and will always be there for you as you have always been there for me.

An archaelogical expedition into long lost treasures of the Soul

2006-03-06T08:56:00.000-05:00

I have never been one to cry during movies or at weddings. It was always very foreign to me and I often got nicknamed the Ice Queen for my lack of emotional display. Crying and open displays of vulnerability were not emotional wells that I dug into often, believing them to be irrational and weak. I tried at times to find that melancholic feeling that would make me cry, but it always seemed so artificial and I often wondered why it was that I could not feel, or more aptly, why I would not allow myself to feel.

After a lot of introspection and years of intensive self therapy, I have realised a lot of it has to do with my upbringing and having been raised in a family where I was my own source of solace and comfort. My parents raised me as best they could and to the best of their knowledge. There were no child-rearing handbooks at that time and some of the techniques of discipline which they dispensed would nowadays be looked upon with disdain. Some would have called it abuse. My father, who was the primary disciplinarian was thorough and very quick to anger. I certainly don't blame him for it, and have forgiven him for all and any trespasses. He was raised the same way, and he has come a long way in being a more fatherly figure. I love my parents deeply, but the emotional scars still run deep and it is a journey on my part to rid myself of the damage and pain that still resides in me. I am working towards that goal, and part of the journey is realising that I still associate feeling and emotional availability to vulnerability and to a difficult past. Over the years and over time, you build up a protective wall, and unchecked, that wall becomes menacing and prevents you from getting inside yourself. I have also realised that the pain and sorrow that we keep in ourselves become insidious and malignant, seeping into different aspects of your life without you even realising it. Like a cancer, it overtakes you and soon you lose site of the good and beautiful things that exist around you.

So on Friday, after an evening hanging-out with friends I went home and spent time with Rib Breaker. There was nothing unique or different about that evening, but suddenly I became acutely aware of my surroundings and where I was in my life. My personal history, my childhood, my hiv status and my future all loomed over me and it was overwhelming and I experienced a panic attack. I became dizzy and nauseous. My heart was racing and my breathing was laboured and I began to feel waves of emotions that I had never felt before. Rib Breaker took hold of me and held me tight, helping me breathe and telling me to relax and to let things go. He responded with such kindness and compassion, and suddenly the floodgates opened and I began to feel things that I had never allowed myself to feel before. I began to cry.

But it was no ordinary cry, for it was no ordinary moment.

The years of untouched emotional sediment began to come undone and the emotional sludge began to loosen. So much pain. So much hurt. So much unacknowledged emotional baggage began to release itself. The pain coursed through my body and I responded viscerally. My Soul began to weep and sob and I remember sobbing and screaming that it "hurts so much", and Rib breaker still stayed close telling me to "Let it Go". I released with such ferocity that my body convulsed and every ounce of energy that I had put into keeping that wall up, was let go.

Twenty or thirty minutes later the sobbing stopped and quiet fell in my exhaustion. I could barely move and the weight of my body pulled me into a deep sleep. Realising that a large part of that emotional barrier had been removed, was profoundly intimate and calming. When I woke the following morning, I felt different. There was a new sense of understanding in the knowledge that I HAD acknowledged my past and present and that there was a future for me. For many years I was always aware of myself, but rarely did I ever Acknowledge myself.

Without sounding like a new-age nut, I feel different. Things are even brighter than they were and the sensation and touch of my new found spirit is exciting. I can't describe it intelligibly, but I suppose it can be likened to an archaelogical expedition, where you are in search of a long lost treasure. I have found that well of emotion that I have hidden for so long and am now beginning to make peace with it.

Happy HNT: 4

2006-03-02T14:54:00.000-05:00

I know this is a bit more risque than what I usually put up, but I thought it was cool without being overtly sexual. So here is my latest HNT contribution.

Busy week, so here is a photo update

2006-02-28T14:08:00.001-05:00

Hi All,

I have been and will be terribly busy this week. If I do any blogging or commenting it will be at night or during the weekend. Since I don't have much time this week, I thought I'd share some new photos of my newly completed paintings, my new fish tank composition and of Kalyx (my dog). Hope you are all well and Happy Week to you all!

My 2 new paintings, with my new fish tank in front, on my new "old" 60's style credenza

My new fish tank

Kalyx sleeping like a baby

Kalyx sleeping on my bed and new sweater. She always does this, and has gotten into the habit of enjoying a well made bed.

Luckily she is cute. But getting the hair off my new sweater was a bit of a task.

The 2 Teddy's I bought Rib Breaker (Brown one smells like Chocolate which I gave him when he was sick).

Rib Breaker down with the Flu being comforted by Remi (the bear I gave him at Christmas)

Deciphering my fathers' message.

2006-02-24T15:59:00.000-05:00

I just rang my father to tell him I had transferred some cash in to his account and this was our conversation:

(Phone ringing)
Dad: Yes.
Me: Whaa..? Hello?
Dad: Yes.
Me: Dad?
Dad: Yes.
Me: What are you doing? Why are you answering the phone like that?
Dad: Like what?
Me: What do you mean "Like What?" You just answered the phone by saying "Yes" instead of "Hello". Is this your new thing?
Dad: Yes.
Me: Dad, that's getting tiresome and annoying. Why are you doing that?
Dad: Because I don't know who you are.
Me: What do you mean you don't know who I am?
Dad (kissing teeth): Ay-ya, I don't know who you are when you call me and the phone is ringing. No caller I.D..
Me: Dad, you are progressively making less sense. Do I need to send a doctor over to check your head?
Dad: No. I am good. I just don't know who is calling.
Me (shaking head with frustration): So get caller I.D. I have no idea where you are going with this.
Dad: Ay- ya, I just don't like when people call and don't say anything.
Me: Dad, I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about now. How can someone say something to you, when you haven't said "hello" first to initiate the call? You have totally lost me.
Dad: People call all the time and don't say anything. I hate it. So now I say "Yes."
Me (shaking head in frustration): Are you getting crank callers?
Dad: No, I just don't know who they are and they don't say anything.
Me: Wha...? Forget it. So this is not a joke? Your being serious?
Dad: Yes.

Rolling and Rollicking in Bed

2006-02-22T14:25:00.000-05:00

I realise that in having written 2 blogs (consecutively) about stories involving Mary Jane, that I am beginning to sound a bit like Harold from Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle. I'm honestly not quite that far yet. But since I'm now on the topic, I had mind as well share another story that occurred last night prior to bed.

I had gone to take my shower as per my nightly beauty ritual. Trust me, I look not only scary and freakish without hairspray, gel and contacts, but I am also the epitomy of a geeky looking F.O.B (Fresh Of the Boater) when I don't doll myself up to go out. One day, if I feel brave enough I will post a picture of the Before and After for you all to laugh at.

Anyhow, upon my return to the bedroom, Rib Breaker already had a rolled dessert for us to share. Our darling pooch, Kalyx was grunting at us as we giggled at her brazeness for taking it upon herself to jump into my bed. She is 14 years old, going on 15, and in her golden years she is realising that we are much more forgiving when it comes to breaking of the rules. As we smoked and watched Tele, we soon got into a tickling match with Rib Breaker being the Tickled, and I the Tickler. Rib Breaker doubly laughed and screamed for me to stop, but I was persistent, indicating that I was doing him a favour by releasing endorphins and making him happy. It wasn't long before both of us were laughing hysterically, which required a moments respite. Goofing off and acting like children takes a lot of energy and we were both out of breath.

A few minutes later I found myself trying to remember our topic of conversation just 5 minutes prior. If any of you fellow bloggers know anything about rolled desserts, you will also be familiar with sudden forgetfulness, or derailed thoughts. This is an anatomy of our conversation:

RB (looking at me quizzically): What are you doing?
Me (deep in thought): Umm, trying to remember something. What were we talking about a moment ago?
RB: When?
Me: Just a few minutes ago. We were laughing about something really hard a few minutes ago.
RB: Where?
Me: Duh! Here, obviously!
RB: I dunno. How long ago?
Me: Geez, I'm so fucked. I can't even remember what we were laughing about 5 minutes ago.
RB: Oh, you were tickling me!
Me (irritated) : No No... Just before that.
RB (giggling) : Oh, I don't remember anything before that!

(giggling and laughter ensues)

Thirty minutes later, we were ready for bed and were lying cuddled in each others arms. I admit I've never been much of a cuddler as I get very hot, very quickly and tend to move around a lot finding my exact positinon of comfort, but RB loves to cuddle, and that's good enough for me. Ten minutes into our cuddling, my mind had begun to wander and I again was wondering what it was that we were laughing about, when it finally hit me that the dog had been throwing us "Tude" for getting on the bed and taking up her precious space. This of course, sent me into convulsive giggling which apparently became contagious for RB. Sadly, it took both of us close to 20 mnutes to stop.

We can be such idiots at times, but I will tell you one thing, I'd rather be an idiot than boring and dour. Laughter truly is the best medicine and both RB and I approach our relationship in a rather childish and humourous way. It works well for us and I try not to take myself too seriously. Happiness and laughter seem to go hand-in-hand and I definitely love seeing him smile.

uggh

2006-02-18T13:54:00.000-05:00

seems like i was not safe. finally caught up. uggh. sick. too tired to post. can't eat drnk think or type. stomach flu bites.

Cutesey Pukey Valentines

2006-02-15T14:06:00.000-05:00

Being the shit disturber sort that I am, I decided to switch things around and up, on this whole Valentines business. So on Monday, I went and purchased a dozen yellow oceanic roses for Rib Breaker and took him out for a nice dinner. We both agreed that it was far better than going out on February 14, watching couples eat in crowded restaurants. It's really not my type of thing, nor is it his. Besides, in all the rush, I was rather paranoid that the restaraunt chefs would be in such a tizzy that the food would be half cooked and we'd get food poisoning.

So, in our casual style, we stayed in on Heart day and Rib Breaker decided he wanted to order pizza and watch Tele. After eating, Rib Breaker rolled a dessert for us which we promptly smoked. It had been a long arduous day and I wanted to wash away all memory of it, so I decided to jump in the shower. A few minutes later, as I was washing my hair, I heard Rib Breaker come in the washroom talking loudly. Peering through my suds, this was the following conversation:

RB (Talking on cellular speakerphone): ...Hey, it's me! I'm talking on the phone, but not sure if you can hear me cause I got this thing on Speakerphone. It's so cool. I just found it, but don't know how to turn it off.
Me: What? Are you talking to me?
RB (looking at me and grinning): ...And Epicurist and I were just wondering what you were up to this weekend and were thinking of going to....
Me (washing shampoo out): Who the Hell are you talking to? I'm taking a shower you know?

Of course I recieved no answer. Rib Breaker had already exited the bathroom, but reappeared an instant later and comes up to the shower door and peers in grinning at me.

Me: Huh? What's up? Who were you talking to?
RB (opening shower door a bit): Oh, it was Scott.
Me: And?
RB (opening door wider and slowly getting into shower): Oh, I just wanted to call and say hi and I found the Speaker phone thing on the cell, which is really cool, but I'm not sure I did it right. You didn't tell me you could do that!
Me: I guess I forgot about the feature. Anyhow, so what is he up to?
RB: Oh, I was asking him if he wanted to go that Hotel club thingie that you mentioned last time. What's the place called?
Me: Umm, the Gladstone?
RB: Yeah! That's it. I was asking him if he wanted to do that sometime.
Me: Ok. And what did he say?
RB: Oh, I dunno yet. It was his voicemail, so I was leaving a message.
Me: And you had to come into the bathroom while I was showering to tell him that?
RB (grinning sheepishly): Oh, I guess I was kinda telling you too.
Me (stopping and looking at RB oddly): Ok....ummm. What are you doing?
RB: What?
Me: Well, you're just standing there at the end of the tub. Did you come in here to take a shower or just to tell me about the speakerphone and phonecall?
RB (looking around sheepishly and laughing): Oh...umm...just to talk to you.
Me: Sometimes, you are just too damned cute. Do you know that?

Honestly, it's these small quirky things that he does that makes me love him even more. Unfortunately, the cuteness wore off at 2am when Rib Breaker started to get violently ill, throwing up and running to the porcelain throne. We're not clear if it's food poisoning or the Stomach flu, but the poor boy had his head in the toilet most of the evening with me by his side. It wasn't the Valentines Day I had planned, and I'm tired from lack of sleep, so I am taking my leave now. Gotta go home to rub my boys tummy.

P.S. I am really busy at work right now so just want all you beautiful souls to know that I haven't forsaken or forgotten you. I hope to catch up on reading posts over the week or weekend. Cheers!

Baking, Toking & Technology

2006-02-07T21:02:00.000-05:00

Last night after dinner, Rib Breaker and I decided to smoke a joint, relax and make some "brownies". The tele was on, and I was watching American Idol, as Rib Breaker did all the work in the kitchen. To be honest, I'm not much of a baker, so I leave that to him. I just take advantage of the wholesome delicious goods that he bakes.

As he was puttering about the kitchen he was also tinkering with his new/old phone. A good friend of Rib Breakers just got a new Motorola Razr phone, so he decided to give Rib Breaker his old Motorloa V555. The cell phone, is still quite new and has all the new fandangled toys on it like a camera and multimedia stuff. Rib Breaker being the technical neophyte that he is, has been playing with it and trying to figure it out. Not to add injury to insult, but whenever I give him a technical toy to play with he reminds me of my dog Kalyx, trying to figure out how to get a cookie out of a jar. It just isn't natural for him, but he gets great enjoyment out of it, and always boasts gleefully once he's figured out the connundrum. Anyhow, Rib Breaker decided to make a call to my friend who he was sharing the brownies with and needed the phone number. This was the conversation that followed:

Me: It's 555-1234
RB (after some fumbling): Um, ok. But I want to add him to my phonebook, so wait one sec.
Me: Uh huh.
RB (with raised eyebrow): Ok, I'm in the phonebook. It says Name.
Me: Yeah? So, put in his name.
RB (keying in name, while mocking my sarcasm): "Yeah..so put in his name.." nah naah naaah naaah.
ME: Well, you ask stupid questions, you get a stupid response. Did you put his name in?
RB (smiling and giggling at phone): Oh cool, this phone will suggest names and words for you.
Me (rolling eyes): Um, yeah, really cool. You might want to know he spells his name with a G and not a J.
RB: Crap. I gotta erase and change it.
Me: Are you done yet? You've already taken 5 minutes just to enter his first name.
RB: Shuddup! It's asking for his last name.
Me: It's spelled Xxxxxxx.
RB (Keying in name): Ok. Done. It's asking me to record a Voice Name. What's that?
Me: You record his name in your voice. It's a feature on the phone, where you just say the name and it will call the person, but I never really use it. It'll take you forever to set it up, I bet.
RB: Oh Cool. Should I use his full name?
Me: Whatever tickles your fancy Rib Breaker.
RB (into phone): "George"*
RB (into phone): "Yes"
RB (into phone): "Yes!"
RB (into phone): "No!"
RB (pouting): It's not recording it properly.
Me: Turn the TV off and try it again. Maybe it's the background noise.
RB (puts tele on mute and speaks into phone loudly): "Geooorrgge"
RB (into phone): "YES"
RB (into phone): "YES!!"
RB (into phone): "NO!"
RB: It's still not working!
Me: Will you just say the name normally? You don't have to stress every letter and syllable unless you plan on saying his name like that ALL the time.
RB (into phone): "GEORGE!"
RB (into phone): "YES!"
RB (into phone): "YES!!!"
RB (into phone): "For Fucksake, NOOOOO!"
RB (into phone): "GEORGE"
RB (into phone): "YES!!"
RB (into phone): "YES!!"
RB (into phone): "Fuck, finally, YES!!"

I tried to keep a straight face but it was just way too funny. I honestly need to record these events on camera, so that I can do the moment justice.

* Identities have been protected.

The brownies by the way are delicious.

The Taste of Love

2006-02-01T10:32:00.000-05:00

Last night, as we were preparing for bed, Rib Breaker decided to pump up his chest and declare that he was now stronger than me. He's been working out, and apparently has this lofty idea that it has made a difference. This escalated and led to a childish wrestling match where I won (as per usual), but in retaliation Rib Breaker decided to bite me. Since, I was on top of him, I threw the blanket off of him and bit him on his arse...little did I know that he had left a fragrant surprise under the covers for me, which clung to my face and taste buds.

We laughed hysterically, but trust me my blogger friends, revenge will be even sweeter tonight!

Tagged: 4 things

2006-01-24T14:50:00.000-05:00

I've been tagged again, this time by Wanton Wonton.

Four Jobs You've Had In Your Life
1. Landscaper.
2. Convenience Store clerk.
3. Peer Counsellor for GBLT people in University.
4. Technical Support for Cable Internet

Four Movies You Could Watch Over And Over
1. Pretty Woman
2. Joy luck club
3. Finding Nemo
4. The Breakfast Club

Four Places You've Lived
1. Taipei, Taiwan
2. North York, Ontario
3. Toronto, Ontario
4. Oakridges, Ontario

Four TV Shows You Love To Watch
1. Rick Mercer's Report
2. The Block
3. Roughcuts (documentary)
4. Passionate Eye (documentary

Four Places You've Been On Vacation
1. Europe
2. China
3. All over USA
4. Montreal

Four Blogs You Visit Daily
1. Bellyache with the Sister
2. Dantallion
3. Tornwordo
4. Snooze
*Note I read a lot more, but they ask for 4, so don't get angry if I didn't mention ya.

Four Of Your Favourite Foods
1. Hakka Food
2. Vietnames Pho
3. Chinese
4. Any home cooked rustic food

Four Places You'd Rather Be
1. An island in the Pacific
2. A beach in the Pacific
3. Muskoka
4. somewhere warm

Four Albums You Can't Live Without
1. Beach House: Hed Kandi
2. Freedom Sessions: Sarah McLachlan
3. Parachutes: Coldplay
4. Siamese Dream: Smashing Pumpkins

Four Vehicles You've Owned
1. none, I walk, run, bike or use the Better Way

Four People To Be Tagged
None. Whoever wishes to do it, may.

Bush & Bin Laden Post referral

2006-01-24T12:35:00.000-05:00

If you have some time, and want to read an absolutely BRILLIANT post and argument about Bush and Bin Laden, go visit Andy's site.

Another careful Voter turnout

2006-01-24T09:36:00.000-05:00

So, only 60% of the voting public made it to the Polls, and the result is we have a new political party. It goes without saying that these will be interesting times indeed. With all the scandals and bad press about the Liberals I am not surprised that the New Conservative Party has won. The Liberals just couldn't get away from it, and there were far more swing voters this year.

Also, with the Liberal defeat, it does not surprise me that Paul Martin will be leaving his position as leader of the party (Opposition). His time is up, and he has made his mark, and I give him kudos for realising this and leaving the position open for someone new. Whoever is chosen to lead the Liberals, I am sure it will make for good tv. But with another minority government, I am happily skeptical in the potential power and influence the Harper government will have. I am sure Stephen Harper is tossing in his sleep, trying to figure out how he intends to pass any Conservative policies in the House of Commons, with a minority government. All 3 parties have a fair share of the seats in the House, Liberals obviously hold the higher hand, but I won't underestimate the Bloc Quebecois or the NDP. A lot of the Liberal policies went through during their minority term, but I only believe that to be the case, because we Canadians tend to be more moderate and further left on the Political spectrum. The voters have chosen Harper by a marginal lead, and the message they are telling Harper is that they don't want to see too many right-Wing Conservative agendas. I forsee a lot of political wrangling, and as I said, it will be interesting.

The last 12 years of Liberal government has seen the political landscape change quite dramatically. Who would have thought the strong shift towards Conservativism in Quebec and the loss of Bloc Quebecois seats? It stands to reason, that a fair majority of the country is looking for change and they have done so democratically by voting a minority Conservative government. In my conversations with people, it isn't so much that they have switched their political alignment to that of the Conservatives, but are rather telling the Liberals that they need to regroup, clean up their act, and then come back and prove themselves to the country.

As they say, trust is built up over years but dissolved in seconds.

The people of Canada need some time to reflect and frankly so do the Liberals. I just wonder how long Harper will remain in power and if he will actually be able to push through any of his Conservative (sic Right wing) agendas. I highly doubt it with the strength of the Opposition. The one scary thing that I have realised during this election, is that Harper has somehow fooled those normally resilient and card carrying Liberals to vote for the Conservatives. How did Harper do that? Well, it seems that Harper has blended into the "red" and made his party seem less offensively Right wing, by silencing certain members and by cleaning up his his public persona and language. He has blended his party into the mainstream middle and has therefore appealed to many who don't think he is that much a threat. If you ask me, he is still a lion in sheeps clothing and I will be watching carefully.

HNT Trois - Half Nekkid Thursdays

2006-01-19T21:55:00.000-05:00

I know I am not being very original or artistic, but I've been busy, so this is all I got kids. And yes, that's my bedroom. ;-p

Happy HNT!

Flashbacks:
HNT 1
HNT Deux

An Ode to my brother

2006-01-19T18:45:00.000-05:00

I was reading the glorious and ever enchanting mistress Ms. Bees Knees' Ode to her sister, when I began to reminisce about my experiences of being a younger child. My older brother was one of those siblings that was an unending source of torture when we were kids. If you think my sense of humour tends to fall in the twisted realm, believe me, it was only the result of being deprived any sanity by my older brother.

When we were very young, we shared a room - two twin beds separated by a night stand. Somehow, prior to bedtime, my brother got into the habit of farting ever so delicately on my pillow and placing my blanket back over, locking the offending scent into my pillow. Unknowingly I would jump into bed, face first into the pillow only to rise choking, wretching and scratching at my face. My brother would laugh himself silly. This of course would only instigate me to find something worse to do unto him. We would each resort to farting on pillows, placing lego and cars underneath the sheets so that we would bruise upon jumping on the bed. Never did it ever occur to us to not jump on the bed.

Needless to say, we always had bruises and cuts on our bodies.

Coming up with new and inventive ways to hurt or drive me crazy was my brothers ultimate goal. One Christmas, we went as a family to Florida Key West and stayed in a rented apartment. He and I again had to share a room, separated by a nightstand. As the lights went out, he began to pick his nose with a certain ferociousness, all the time telling me so. He then made an exaggerated flicking sound with his finger. Of course I screamed like a banshie for him to leave me alone, when all of a sudden I felt a large wet splat on my face. Stumbling out of bed, voice shrill, I turned the light on to find a very large dime sized booger dripping down my face.

This is what I lived with and despite the horrors of it, we always laughed, because we were sick little fuckers. These days we just compare how stinky our farts are, and I use what my sage older brother taught me to torture RB and others.

Federal Elections: Politicians doing what they do best

2006-01-16T09:43:00.000-05:00

I have been catching up on some reading and was at Dantallion's site and read this post. The whole Federal Election discussion got me to thinking about all the finger pointing and general amnesia people have when it comes to scandals in this country. I always find it rather amusing when MPs or the press, or society continuously bring up the Liberal scandals. Yes, some members of the Liberal party faltered, but if the slaggers really want to play that game, we can dredge up a whole lot of scandals in the Conservative party from years ago:

1873 corruption scandal brought down the Conservative government of Sir John A. Macdonald and cost Canada's first prime minister the 1874 election. He was accused of accepting $350, 000 in donations from Sir Hugh Allan, in return for giving him the contract to build the Canadian Pacific Railway (CPR).

1958-61: The Gerda Munsinger scandal, where the Canadian public learned that some guilty Progressive Conservative cabinet ministers had been consorting with an East German playgirl who may have been a KGB spy.

1985: TunaGate, where Fisheries minister John Fraser had overturned an order from his own inspectors and ordered a million cans of StarKist tuna released for sale to the public. The inspectors had said the tuna, packed at the StarKist plant in St. Andrews, N.B., was so badly spoiled that it wasn't even fit to be turned into catfood. The plant's owners had lobbied Fraser to release the cans for sale, saying they might shut the plant if the tuna couldn't be sold. Needless, to say, that Starkist plant was shutdown. Fraser went on to become the House Speaker.

1995: 14 Conservative members of the Legislature and 2 caucus workers were convicted of fraud and breach of trust for illegally diverting hundreds of thousands of dollars from government allowances in a phoney expense-claim scam.

1995: Airbus scandal involving Mulroney.

Let's also not forget, that Mulroney lost an average of one cabinet minister to allegations of wrongdoing during each year of his 1984-1993 reign.

It truly is amazing how soon we forget, isn't it? Next year, everything will be forgotten again and a whole new slurry of scandals will plague either one of the parties, and each will sit upon their Porcelain throne and point fingers, noses in the air, pretending as though their shit didn't stink. Everyone shits, and everyone has to wipe their ass. I just don't need to see it on my paper everyday.

New Year Late Update

2006-01-09T13:07:00.000-05:00

I know, I know. I have been absent for far too long. With the holidays and the new year over, I plan on getting back on track with the blogging. So here is a quick low-down on my holiday highlights:

December 24 am - wallet, money and brand spanking new blackberry 8700r stolen out of my jacket. Scramble to cancel all cards and services, which poses a major problem cause I have done zilch in the realm of Christmas gift shopping. Merry fucking Christmas to the Asshole who stole it. Your ass is grass if I ever figure who you are...I have connections you know, so you better be smart.
Onto better things, I am working on a project which I will soon unveil to you all in a short bit. It has been an Idea of mine for quite some time, but I just haven't got around to actualising it and making it a reality. Once I have it out, I would love your input, suggestions and ideas. Expect something by end of week. :)
January 6-8, 2005 - Flew to NYC (last minute) for my cousins wedding. Wedding reception was lovely and simple and drank a lot with her crazy friends. Didn't do any shopping which I was hoping for, but I did get to slip out at 1am after the Wedding reception to meet up with Life. by Jase and his friend. They were 2 of the sweetest most entertaining Fags I have ever met. We went to Starlighte for some casual drinks and chat, and I was soon dragged to a dance bar (Jase, you will have to remind me of the name: Was far too inebriated to recall, but know "Boys" was in the name). Jase never quite told me he was a Go-Go Dancer or that he swing from a Pole (ahem). He certainly has a lithe, tight body made for sliding up and down Poles, so I'd suggest you call him up if your ever in NYC. Again, a big Thank You for being so hospitable to this Canuck. Even with my severe hangover the following morning, I didn't regret a moment.
Now I am back to the Grind at work, but expect pictures to be posted soon from NYC.

2005-12-25T15:59:00.000-05:00

Bob Geldof and The Boomtown Rats got it right...

2005-12-19T15:41:00.000-05:00

It goes without saying that Monday mornings are anathema to my idea of happy living. In fact, I would think most people don't like Mondays. It falls in the same category as a hangover, or diahrrea. Honestly, they could remove the whole day and I would have no issue with it, but that of course would make Tuesdays, The Monday - and we simply can't have that, so I guess I'll just have to live with it.

I know. I know. "What is the point of this random chatter?" you wonder. Well this past Monday I had a pre-arranged appointment to see my Gastroenterologist for a procedure called a sigmoidoscopy. For those unwilling, or too lazy to click the provided link, it's when they stick a camera up your arse to view the lower end of your bowel (the sigmoid). Plain and simple as that. End of story.

Not a pleasant experience.

Even further unpleasant, when done at 8:15 am on a cold Monday morning, sans caffeine, coffee or food.

I arrive at the hospital and get to the designated room, and am assigned a gurney, gown and a washroom. I am sharing the room with 2 other patients, whom both share a rather unpleasant look on their faces.

They too must hate Monday mornings.

The nurses and technicians, I must say were phenomenal and very friendly. Maybe a bit too friendly. Patricia (Pat) introduces herself to me and tells me she needs to perform 2 enemas on me, the whole time with a smile across her sweet face. My Monday is not looking any brighter and I tell her I am not looking forward to having this procedure done. She assures me that it won't be too painful, just a bit uncomfortable, and proceeds to open a casual dialogue with me:

Pat: So dear, do you go by Alex, or Alexander?

Me: Um, Alex will be fine, thanks.

Pat: Dear, I need you to lie on your side with your bum bum facing me.

Sound of a box opening.

Me: Hmm....I thought I had the worse part of this procedure.

Latex glove slaps on.

Pat (laughing): And will you be celebrating the Holdays at all this year Alex?

Sound of bottle being shaken.

Me: Um, yeah. With family on the 24th, 25th. Friends the other days.

Sound of Surgical lube squishing.

Pat: Oh that's nice. And does your mum make the traditional dinner?

Feeling a cold breeze on my "bum bum" as she lifts my gown.

Me: No, the boys usually do all the cooking.

Pat: Oh that is what I like to hear! What wonderful boys you must be...Ok, Alex, here goes.

I can't really explain what the feeling is like. A rush of cold air or ice cubes being shoved up your arse is the closest I can get to it. After all the preparation work, and a few runs to the loo, I am pushed on my gurney into the examination room. While in the examination room, my doctor and her assistant pulled out the nefarious looking endoscope and proceeded to turn me towards the monitor so that I could watch my own sigmoidoscopy examination. This experience was even worse than the enema, and I was watching the whole damned thing on a monitor. The process includes filling you up with air and water so that you bloat up and feel like your having menstrual or gas cramps.

Again, NOT a pleasant feeling.

Seeing your innards was quite the experience, and if someone ever calls me a shit disturber, I'll have more than a few words to say.

P.S. Apparently, I am fine and have a "beautiful sigmoid". Her words not mine. All I could think was, I hope she doesn't use pick up lines....ever.

Anatomy of a wrong SMS

2005-12-15T11:05:00.000-05:00

Sunday, I was helping move one of my best friends to her new place. It was a lot of work, so at the end of the evening, we sat down to several bottles of wine and good ol Popeye's chicken. In the midst of the drinking I get an SMS (Short Messaging Service) also known as a Text message on my Blackberry.

Hi Ryan, Just wanted to say I had a really great time the other night, and if Brad asks, go ahead and tell him. I'd rather him know than find out from other sources. I am really looking forward to picking up from where we left off wink wink. Paula

Me: Hi Paula, I am glad you had a great time and would like to pick up where we left off. What a sweet girl you are to message me. You obviously are a load of fun, but unfortunately you have the wrong number and I am not Ryan. He must have been hot though for you to send this message, but you ought to know you messaged the wrong fella.

Paula: Oh my god. I am so sorry. Who is this?

Me: Someone who gets that you had an AWESOME time, but who unfortunately is not Ryan, and who also happens to be as Queer as a three dollar bill. Though from your message, Ryan sounds like a very good catch. Good boys are hard to come by, so I wish you luck. Message when you want babes! ;P

Paula: LOL Yes, Ryan is really hot and cute. I will let you know what happens. Any tips? Thanks!

Me: Good on ya Paula! Have fun and enjoy the boy. But always remember it takes a good woman to make a real man. LOL

Paula: Really? I suppose you would know, or at least are a Master/mistress at it?

Me: You're a smart girl Paula. lol Have a great night and good luck!

A few of my Favourite Peeves

2005-12-14T15:53:00.000-05:00

- People who don't say "Thank You" or smile when you open or hold the door for them.
- People who spit and throw cigarette butts on the floor.
- Know it all kids.
- People who interrupt.
- Weak coffee
- Uncharitable types.
- Malicious gossip.
- Pimples (on me)
- Coughing (me)
- People who are not themselves and who always have a facade or fakeness about them.
- People who don't Poop and scoop (Their dogs pooping. Them scooping).
- Rude sales people or service industry staff.
- Customers, who are rude to sales people or service industry staff.
- Running out of toilet paper.
- People who pee on the seat and floor
- Not washing hands after going to the loo
- Overly defensive people, or people who always have to appear to be the "Right One"
- Tardiness.
- People who do not pick up the phone, return calls or emails.
- Not admitting you were wrong and carrying on from there.
- Constant complainers.
- People who complain when they create their own drama.
- Seagulls
- Feeding pigeons.
- Weak vodka drinks (I'm rather heavy handed and generous with my portions)
- Steak that is anything more done than Medium rare.

Ok, Ok...some of these aren't so much as Pet Peeves, as piss-me-off-royally or just general kvetching, which you may have noticed was one of my pet peeves. Which of course leads me to the final Pet Peeve:

- People who take themselves too seriously and can't laugh at themselves.

I am going to be an Uncle

2005-12-12T14:01:00.000-05:00

Congratulations to my brother and sis-in-law! They are expecting their first in June. I will be the most Awesomest Uncle. So excited, as this is the best birthday and Christmas gift I could ask for.

Truths

2005-12-12T11:41:00.000-05:00

1. True. I have had over 35 hamsters in my life time. I have had a lot of experience therefore with hamsters escaping. The pencil fell out from behind my ear and did actually bounce off the floor and as I placed my foot down, the pencil went about half an inch in and broke. The lead piece is still there.

2. True. We were very odd kids.

3. True. I thought they were candy adn that my parents were trying to hide them on me.

4. True. It was weird at first, but I didn't care. They were hot.

5. False. My parents thought I was retarded after I was born, but just realised I was an idiot and a poor student. The grades after C are correct though.

6.True. This was a dream that I thought was real until my mid-late 20's. I should make the clarification, that my grandmother sleeping in my parents bed was also part of the dream, but I didn't know it at the time, until I figured that would not be possible and was too weird.

Spot The Lie

2005-12-08T15:43:00.000-05:00

Well, after having read Tornwordo and Dickeybird's "Spot The Lie" game, I thought I would steal the idea for myself, as I thought it rather cool and interesting. Listen, I never said I was all that original and I've never had a problem telling people their ideas were great.

So here goes. Spot the Lie. You have the weekend to figure it out.

1. When I was a young lad, one of my many hamsters escaped it's cage and ended up chewing a hole into my parents couch, whereupon it got stuck and began to cry for help. I was doing my homework, so stuck the pencil behind my ear and proceeded to cut into the couch to get her out. Just as I was about to free her, the door bell rang, so I ran downstairs to open the door, upon which the pencil fell out of its holding place, bounced off the floor (eraser end) and embedded the lead tip into my foot. I opened the door to 2 girlfriends of mine who just stood in shock as I hopped about on my left foot and bled from my right foot and explained that my pet was stuck in a couch.

2. When we were kids, our home was the central gathering place since we had a park out front and a Pool out back. One summer morning we noticed the Consumers Gas technician coming in and out of our backyard to do some work. It was a hot day, so in the afternoon, we decided to go for a swim. We noticed the technicians truck still out front, and went to the backyard only to to find him floating in the pool tangled in hose with his head bobbing on the top. We freaked and began screaming, but upon closer inspection found out it was a raccoon who got caught in the automatic pool vacuum and hose, which we thought was his body.

3. I once ate Flinstones multivitaamins like candy and got diahrrea for over a week.

4. I once had sex with twin brothers who liked it that way.

5. My parents told me that I was mentally retarded when I was a kid going through school, so as to boost my ego because I was not a very bright student, and often got letters after C as a mark.

6. I had a dream when I was a kid that there was a ghost in my room who was a mime. It had white gloves and a top hat and wand, and that was all you could see. In fear, I sneaked past the ghost and ran to my parents room where my grandmother was sleeping between my parents. I believed this was true until only a few years ago.

A little Perspective

2005-12-08T14:04:00.000-05:00

I don't like to be preachy, but wanted to bring a little perspective regarding our financial and economic status compared to others in the World. Please click on the following image and have a read.

So the next time you think or hear someone gripe about not having any money to purchase the latest iPod, dress shirt or Flat screen LCD, give them a little perspective. We all need it every once in a while and in no way is it meant to be a guilt trip or condescending. We all work hard and have our own gripes and issues, but remembering our place relative to others is a sure way to make us understand what gratitude and giving is all about.

Holiday Tip: If your having a Christmas or "Holiday" party this year, might I suggest asking your guests to bring non perishable foods or money to donate to the Daily Food Bank (or some local charity in your area) rather than accepting gifts and tacky Christmas stuff? It's a small gesture that will be greatly appreciated.

A few additional Facts:

How much money the average person relying upon food banks has to spend each day?

$4.46

Number of people relying on food programs each month in the GTA in 2005?

175,000

Number of children in the GTA who live in families that rely on food banks each month?

66,500

% of people relying upon food banks who have homes?

Tagged

2005-12-08T10:21:00.000-05:00

Sweet Sister StaceyPatrick has tagged me with this rather interesting tag, so here goes.

Name 5 simple pleasures that you like most, then pick 5 people to do the same. Try to be original and creative and not to use things that someone else has already used.

1. Walking or hiking in a pristine forest or conservation park. It is that feeling of being completely enveloped in Mother Nature, and that overwhelming feeling of purity, peace and solitude.
2. Hosting a party with all my friends and seeing them smile, laugh and enjoy themselves.
3. Kissing Rib Breaker in the morning while he is still asleep and seeing goosebumps pop up all over his skin.
4. Watching a thunderstorm and the ensuing rain. It's invigorating and intoxicating.
5. Waking up everyday and knowing that life is a big mystery and that I have another day to get a crack at it.

Who do I tag?
Greg the Surly
Tornwordo
Dickeybird
Snooze
Splenda in the Grass

Sorry, but blame it on Sister...she wrote the rules :)

Northern Diaries

2005-12-02T12:31:00.000-05:00

We left Toronto by 8:30 am on Monday morning. I was excited and a bit nervous to say the least. After all, I was meeting the in-laws and I had no idea what to expect. David tried to assuage my fears by telling me that his mother was easy going and that he thought I would be fine and to just be myself. I really wasn't expecting to be anything else. I never am. I figure if someone doesn't like me, screw them, but this was his mother and family we were speaking of, and I felt a need to be accepted.

We packed the car and headed North and made good time. We reached North Bay just after noon, so David decided he would take me to the Mall. We walked about and got some hiking shoes for him. The people were friendly and more approachable than us Torontonians. I looked around at the people and noticed how they seemed more casual and relaxed than us big city folk. It wasn't an observation that was meant to be condescending, but I was rather pleased that it wasn't a big bustling city. I thought about all this and how I was possibly stereotyping people living in the country as simpletons or backwards. I caught myself, and realised how backwards I was for thinking that.

We decided to make our way to his Mums place, located on the outskirts of North Bay in the Powassan Municipality, a small town bordered by lots of farming and country homes. The area was also heavily settled by Mennonites living in the traditional sense. Buggies and carriages would pass by frequently and I was amazed by the dichotomy and clash of societies living side by side.

We drove through the country, fields and farm homes dotting the hilly landscape and I soon realised David had no idea where he was going. When I asked him what street they lived on, he shrugged his shoulders and said it was a "bluish home with trees around it". My look of disdain made him laugh even harder, and I couldn't help laugh at the blog worthiness of the story. Shortly thereafter, David surprisingly found the bungalow and when we got out we were greeted by David's mum's boyfriend. To say he was a big man, was an understatement. When we shook hands I noticed my hands were almost completely engulfed in his. Over the week, as I got to know him, I found out that he was a jack of all trades, a Northern Canadian forester, lumberjack, steel miller, etc. In otherwords, he was a tough man, but with a big heart and a very friendly and sarcastic disposition. When David's mum arrived, the 2 hugged for a long time and I was introduced to her. I liked her immediately. She had this carefree, relaxed and very sarcastic humour, which I found comforting and I eased into it, like a pair of warm slippers.

Over the next 3 days, we went shopping, ate and chatted and spoke about family, friends, and life in North Bay, and life in Toronto. I got the feeling she liked me and I told her that we would make a concerted effort to see her more often, or have her come down to Toronto to stay with us.

Tuesday, was spent shopping with David's mum, as it was her birthday and David sweetly bought her several gifts. Their bond is quite noticeable and on the Tuesday night, it became blindingly obvious how much they both missed each other. It was late in the evening, and I was looking at one of his mum's cat paraphenalia - everything this woman owns has some cat theme to it - it boggles the mind, but is quite endearing. I turned to comment on the cat lamp, when I saw him beginning to sob. I went to him, and held him in my arms. We didn't say much, but I felt his pain at being separated by his loved ones, and lightly cooed to him that we would see her more often. He is such a quiet man, but he has such a deep emotional well, which makes me love him like nothing else. He made me realise at that very instant how much more I need to appreciate and love my family and friends who surround and support me. I love how he does that to me without even knowing it.

On Wednesday, we took a hike on the Candadore Trails situated on a large hilly and mountainous conservation park just behind David's old college. As we began to walk, snow began to fall and the trees and trails were quickly blanketed in fresh snow. It seemed in our minds as though the forest had never been walked and there was a certain satisfaction in leaving the first footprints. I can't tell you how romantic it was (see below and Flickr ). Our intention, was to find a water fall, but David got us lost deep in the brush, off trail, deep in snow and in streams. I was cold and wet, but despite it all, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. The only drawback was that we were going to visit his Grandmum right after. When I greeted grandma, I was soaking wet, covered in dirt and pine needles. I was mortified, as I took off my socks and wandered about her home with dirty, wrinkly feet, but she shushed me and told me not to worry about it. I should have known she would be fine, since she was the one asking if we would get married the night before on a phone call.

Thursday, we were woken early to David's mum singing Happy Birthday to me. It was a sweet gesture as were the card and the Scratch tickets she gave me (all of which won by the way). We dropped his mum off to work, took a few pictures then returned to Toronto early to clean and pack up some of Davids apartment belongings. It was a good trip and I was happy to see this other side of David. He is such a complex man, and I love finding these tiny scattered pieces of him. Everytime I think I know him, I am gobsmacked at how much more I have to learn.

World AIDS Day

2005-12-01T18:15:00.000-05:00

Today is World AIDS Day, and it is also my birthday. The coincidence is rather sobering, but it reminds me that the fight isn't over for myself or others who have HIV. Many thanks to those who have been my support in hard times and I look forward to the day when this disease will just be a part of history.

Click on the ribbons to find my previous thoughts on HIV and AIDS:

On the road

2005-12-01T10:18:00.000-05:00

Hello Blog kids,

RB and I are on our way back from North Bay. The trip was quite lovely and his family very friendly. I was going to audio blog again, but listened to my last entry which was completely incomprehensible. I sounded like the Teacher from Charlie Brown. Will post a blog and pictures soon. Still kinda tired as I was woken at 6:30am by his mum as she sang Happy birthday to me. Gave me a cute little card as well.

I think I was a hit!

Anyhow, we are driving along Hwy 11, and I am wirelessly connected to send a quick hello. I am still alive.

Audio Blog from the North Bay Outback

2005-11-30T15:01:00.000-05:00

Update: Honestly, don't even bother listening to this unless you can understand Charlie Brown's Teacher. It is totally and utterly incomprehensible.

Drip drip drip

2005-11-24T11:22:00.000-05:00

Sorry All,

I've been under the weather with a terrible cough/cold/flu since Monday and just came back to work today. Still feel a little ripe but can't avoid the work or emails accumulating on my blackberry. I will likely not post until another weeks time as I am heading North on Monday to North Bay to visit RB's mother.

The in-laws.

Not sure what to think, but I am trying to prepare myself. In my ignorance, I asked RB if there were any Asians there other than the token restaurant owner, but he doesn't know. I will be out of my element and in a cold place, so wish me luck. You'll more than likely get an AudioBlog Post from me, so until then, be well and take care my friends!

Osteopathic Fixes

2005-11-18T14:15:00.000-05:00

The body is truly an amazing thing, something we take advantage of far too often. I have mentioned in the past that I have a number of joint and muscle problems such as Ankylosing Spondylitis, and fibromyalgia. I've lived with it for many years and you sort of get used to the daily pain and fatigue. This morning wasn't any different. I was sore and completely fatigued as I was unable to sleep well the last 3 days due to my sciatica. I went to work and was not feeling well, intending to head home to rest after lunch.

I've tried many different therapies, but it was only when I met Rib Breaker that I began to understand how intricate the body worked and how your mood and disposition could easily be affected by what was happening to it. RB, being a Registered Massage Therapist (RMT) would often tell me to do certain things to promote better health and strength. RB has been instrumental in teaching me more about the body and we both went to look at the amazing exhibition at the Ontario Science Centre called Body Works as part of this continued education. It was an eye opener and I would highly recommend the trip to go see it.

The one thing RB has been pushing me to do, was to see his Osteopath. I was hesitant, as I tend to be cautious and a bit cynical when it comes to treatments. I've seen Physiotherapists, Chiropracters, doctors, rhemotolgists, gastro-enterologists, etc, and my general conclusion is that they have all been useless. The pain is always there and all they do is poke, prod and examine you, telling you the same thing you have always known, followed by prescriptions to some COX 2 inhibitor NSAID.

Well, the cynic finally has nothing to complain about, and that in itself is an acccomplishment. In fact, after seeing this Osteopath, I have energy and a sense of well being. He manipulated my muscles, joints and re-aligned my body and I feel great. The procedure was unique and I didn't expect to hear my body crack and pop as much as it did, but despite the shock of it, I am glad I went. It has been a while since my body has told me that it feels good. Today it is telling me I am great.

So, thank you Doc for this and I hope to see where this will go.

HNT Deux

2005-11-17T21:26:00.000-05:00

HNT Part 1

Two

2005-11-16T13:45:00.000-05:00

No thanks to Myke, I have been tagged to dish out more crap about me. Baaaah, "Wok the heck", it's a rainy day and I have nothing better to do anyways.

Two Names You Go By --
1. Alex (friends and family call me this)
2. Sasha (long ago I was called this by Jewish bubbe's in my neighbourhood)

Two Parts of Your Heritage --
1. Shanghainese (people from Shanghai, China)
2. Hakka Indian(Chinese people from India)

Two Things That Scare You --
1. Blatant ignorance
2. The inability of some to think for themselves.

Two of Your Everyday Essentials --
1. Coffee from Starbucks
2. Clean pair of tightie whities

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now --
1. Black underwear (couldn't find said clean Tightie whities, and Black is not my preferred colour choice).
2. Vintage T-shirt for the movie Superchick.

Two of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists (at the moment) --
1. Franz Ferdinand
2. Simple Plan (My happy cute boy band group for the moment).

Two Things You Want in a Relationship (other than Real Love) --
1. To be taken care of, as much as I like to take care of others.
2. Somebody to talk to about my dreams, fears, worries and desires.

Two Truths --
1. A single word can deliver a life altering message. In my case it was "HIV+". You can either wallow in self pity, anger and regret, or fight the battle, look forward with head high and be strong. I chose the latter.
2. I have generally always been optimistic and happy.

Two Physical Things that Appeal to You --
1. A person, who when they smile, it shows in their eyes.
2. The look and feel of a man's obliques and that fleshy bit called the love handle (moderate).

Two of Your Favorite Hobbies --
1. Painting and drawing
2. Writing

Two Things You Want Really Badly --
1. To travel the world and "live" life.
2. To swim with dolphins

Two Places You Want to go on Vacation --
1. New Zealand
2. Australia

Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die --
1. Travel and see the world
2. Make a difference somehow...To become the man I believe I can and will be.

Two Ways that you are stereotypically a Guy --
1. I like the outdoors and getting dirty.
2. I hate shopping (despise)

Two Things You Normally Wouldn't Admit --
1. I can become emotionally cold to protect myself from hurt.
2. I had a crush (still do) on Julia Roberts.

Two Things You Are Thinking About Now --
1. Why this questionairre has taken me almost 90 minutes to complete.
2. That Christmas Carol "Let it Snow"

Two Stores You Shop At --
1. Grocery stores
2. Art supply store (Curry's)

Two people I haven't talked to in a while --
1. Catherine (lost touch, no fault of hers)
2. My parents (they are in New Zealand)

Two bloggers who may now dislike you for passing this on to them --
1. Earth Mother: The Goddess Hopeful
2. Greg the Surly

Bonus (sorry, Myke added this and I feel like pissing more people off today so I decided not to remove it) of 2 more bloggers who may now be ticked off at me --
1. Dantallion
2. Mikevil

Hey there copper, mistah crime stopper

2005-11-15T09:43:00.000-05:00

A long time ago, when I was about 17-18, I had a run in with the law. Well, run-in isn't quite the word, but it sounds more exciting. Like I'm an outlaw or something.

I was with my old high school buddies, driving home at night around 2 am. We had been relaxing at Life Over Easy's (LOE) home in North York, and it was past 2 am when we decided to leave. It had been a rather long night, but Life Over Easy had kindly offered to drive us. The 4 of us piled in the car, with our school bags and notebooks in tow.

We chatted and listened to The Cure as we drove North along Yonge Street. It wasn't particularly busy on the streets, and we made good time. As we closed in on my neghbourhood, we noticed a police cruiser stopped at the red light going West bound on Elgin Mills Road. As we passed the cruiser, it suddenly veered into the North bound lane on Yonge street, following us. We slowed down thinking the cruiser was on a call and about to pass us, but there were no sirens or signals for us to pull over, save the fact that the cruiser was now tailgating us with the highbeams on. Just as LOE signalled to turn right into my neighbourhood, the cruiser lights came on and we were signalled to pull over. We waited about 3-5 minutes before 2 cops came out of the cruiser to approach, one to the drivers side, the other to the rear of the passenger side. It did not go unnoticed that both were armed, with their hands on their holsters.

The officer tapped on the drivers window, his flashlight in our eyes, and LOE rolled his window down. This is how the conversation went.

Officer: Drivers license and registration.
LOE: Uh, Yes officer. Here (passes to officer)
Officer (looking around in the car): Where you boys coming from at this time of night?
LOE: From my house. We were studying, and I'm driving my friends home.
Officer: Is that right? And where would your home be?
LOE: xxx xxxx in North York.
Officer: Have any of you been drinking?
LOE: No sir. We don't drink.
Officer: And who are you driving home?
LOE: Umm, well, him first (pointing at me, behind driver).
Officer (looking at me and tapping my window): Lets see what's in the bags. Let's have a closer look in your bag.
Me (opening my bag): Yes sir. They are just text books.
Officer: Let's see your identification or drivers license.
Me: Yes sir. Here.
Officer: Right. Stay here.

The officer stepped away to his cruiser and we waited for about 15 minutes for him to return. While we waited another cruiser pulled up and 2 additional cops came out and stood around LOE's vehicle. We were nervously concerned as we had no idea what this was all about. It felt odd and rather uncomfortable.

Officer (to LOE): Here's your registration and license.
LOE: Thank you
Officer (to me): So where did you say you were coming from?
Me: LOE's home in North York.
Officer: and what is his address?
Me: xxx xxxx address.
Officer: And where are you going? What is your address?
Me: Ummm, the same as the one on the Drivers license at xx Woodstone Ave, just down this street on the left.
Officer: Uh huh. And what's your name?
Me: Umm, Alexander
Officer: Do you go by any other names?
I look around at my friends who offer "Al" as an answer.
Officer: No, do you go by any other names?
Me: umm, such as what?
Officer: Why don't you tell me.
Me: Sir, I have no idea. Ireally don't go by any other names.
Officer: You mean you don't ever go by Kun Phuc Yi?
Me (hearing "Kentucky" as in Fried Chicken): uh, I'm sorry what?
Officer (more loudly): Kun Phuc Yi! Kuuun Phuuuc Yiii. Do you go by that name?!
Me: Um, no. That sounds like a Vietnamese name and I'm not Vietnamese.
Officer: uh...hmmm. Well, according to our check you match the decription of Mr. Kun Phuc Yi.
Me: Well sir, I'm sorry, but that really is not me. I don't know what to tell you. Umm, out of curiosity, may I ask what this is all about and why we were pulled over?
Officer: well, uh, we are following a lead with a description of a ... similar car with Asians in the car matching your descriptions, who are ... uhh ... trafficking stolen weapons.
Me: You could see us in the dark to know? Well, wouldn't you like to look in the trunk then as well?

The cops finally let us go, with a parting comment that we "boys, be sure to get home quick". I'm sure there was more said, but we didn't want to stick around.

Flanders Fields

2005-11-11T11:11:00.000-05:00

IN FLANDERS FIELDS the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

By: Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD (1872-1918)
Canadian Army

A heartfelt thanks to those Veterans and the highest respect to those who lost their lives. We would not be here today without your sacrifices.

2005-11-10T10:50:00.000-05:00

HNT

2005-11-10T09:57:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Sticky Crows, I absolutely love this idea! Not as a sexual or gratuitous display of our bodies, but as a celebration of it, as art, as something we love and are comfortable in. So starting at the bottom, here we go. And no, it's not a fetish.

My foot in China

Manitouwabing Feet

Muskoka Feet

Muskoka Foot

Sunset at my Feet

Grandpapa Act Three - lessons learned.

2005-11-04T15:34:00.000-05:00

While were on the discussion of family...

My grandfather, whom I have written about previously was one of those men I always was wary of. His mannerisms and personality were dependent upon the company he kept, and I found him to be insincere and rather disingenious. I know those are harsh words, but just because you are blood, doesn't mean you have to love someone. My grandfather was a man with 2 different personalities clearly separated by the public and the private image, and this made me very uncomfortable.

Out in public he was a kind and serene, well-respected and well-known Evangelical Reverend who hob knobbed with the likes of Billy Graham and other Christian fundamentalists. At home, it was a completely different story. His temper, impatient and demanding nature were volatile to say the least and I was often the brunt of it. The fact that he was also incredibly hard of hearing meant he would end up screaming at you, no matter what the situation. In addition to these lovable traits, he also drank several pots of coffee a day, with heaping spoonfuls of sugar (4 Tbsps to be exact) in each cup. In otherwords, he was continuously wired and would often wake me with a start at 2-3am on a school night, to tell me to fix his VCR or turn on the television. With lights glaring in my eyes, he would start to spit and drool all over me as he tried to speak without his dentures.

No dentures + 2 pots of coffee + sugar + deafness + impatience = Downright Crazy

God, those dentures still give me the heebie jeebies.

The nightmares also stem from his nightly routine of using my toothbrush to scrub his dentures and then wiping them on my towel and placing them in my cup in the washroom. Why he did this I have no idea. I simply began to hide all my stuff in my own room. If he needed to brush his dentures now, he could use the toilet brush for all I cared. You can't imagine what it was like, finding bits of meat and food on my towel and tooth brush.

I think the most "memorable" experience was the afternoon I returned home with 3 of my best friends in tow. These were all old highschool buddies whom I still keep in touch with to this day. Life Over Easy had driven us to my place and we had planned on chilling out and listening to music. As I entered the foyer with my friends, I could hear that my grandfather was home. His bedroom TV was blaring and there was a very loud and disturbing sound echoing through the foyer.

Ooooooooooo, aaahhhhhhhhhh!
MMMMMMmmmmmmmmm, ohhhhhhhh,
nggggghhhhhh, uh huuuh, oh yeah! Oh Yeah! Baby! Oh god! Oh GOD! Oh GOD! OH GOOOODDDDD!!!!!

Oh God indeed! The dirty bugger was watching porn again. I grabbed my bewildered friends and pushed them into the Family Room and turned on the radio to drown out the echoes of several females in the throes of orgasmic release. I ran upstairs and began knocking on his door.

No answer.

I knocked harder.

No answer.

I had no choice but to open the door and do something about the situation. What I witnessed, I would never force even upon my worst enemy. It was as though I had seen that video tape in The Ring and my life changed forever. I remember telling my mum & dad and ratting the old man out that evening, and forcing them to deal with the situation. In Chinese culture, a son (grandson) always puts family first and will be the filial dutiful son even when they don't want to be. Respect comes before anything, and with my grandfather I was losing it. He preached about the decrepid state of morality in society and spoke against all sorts of so-called "immoral" acts, and on the side he was watching Debbie Does Dallas.

It was at this very instant that I began to see the hypocrisy in peoples' lives and the way that the world really revolved. Growing up as a teen is difficult as it is. Adding all the complexities of being gay, with a low self esteem and general confusion fueled my anger that religion could have such a strong grip on dictating what morals should be put out there, when they were often the perpetrators of such heinous and dishonest crimes like paedophaelia and ministries for profit (prophet?) like Benny Hinn (not to be confused with Benny Hill).

Whether this was misdirected teenage angst or not, I am thankful to my grandfather even if the actual lesson were not his intention or a direct result of him having taught me.

Parental Phone Calls: Part trois - Freedom 65

2005-11-03T10:46:00.000-05:00

Both my parents are now 66 and retired about 5 years ago and the wonderful thing about my parents being retired is that they finally get the chance to relax and travel the world and do the things they always wanted to do. The bad part is that they get bored when they are in the city, calling several times a day to ask how I am or what I am doing. If my father calls to talk about my mother, my mother will then call me back to talk about my father, and vice versa.

I've written about these "unique conversations before here and here

My parents left for a 3 month trip to China in September and will also extend their travels to Australia and New Zealand. When they go on trips I rarely hear from them. Sort of like, Out of sight, out of mind. They just forget were here, but if we kids fail to call them, we hear no end of it. So I finally hear from them on Sunday.

ring ring
Me: Hello?
Dad (crackling in background): Hello?? It's Dad.
Me: HeyDad! How are you? How are things going?
Dad: I don't have much time. My card is running out so you have my number on your call display?
Me: Uh, yeah. So how are things?
Dad: So you have the number right? Don't lose it, ok?
Me: I have it, don't worry. So how are you and mum.
Dad: Good. Here.... (silence)
Me: Hello?......Heelloooooo?
Mum: Hello?
Me: Mum? oh, hi.
Mum: Hi! How's my doggie?
Me: She's fine (ahem) and so am I.
Mum: Oh, for goodness sakes! Your father always tells me to tell you something while I am trying to talk to you! Dad's tellling me something. Hold on.
Me: Mum, this is long distance and expensi....(dial tone)
Hang up

After 20 minutes I realise that "My card is running out so you have my number on your call display?" was actually my Dad's way of telling me to call him back.

Ring Ring

Mum: Hello?
Me: Hi Mum. We got cut off, so I wanted to call you back.
Mum: Good good. Have you seen your brother and his wife? They were both sick when they left us in Shanghai. You tell them to listen to what mother says and to visit that Chinese doctor. You know, I was coughing for so many months and then I went to see the Chinese doctor and then I was fine! Can you believe that? Isn't it great! But now I am here and it is very dusty in the apartment and we couldn't get a maid to help us clean and cook. Imagine that! Here in China, unable to find someone. So now I have to clean.
Me: Well, I will be sure to tell them to see your doctor. How's the family? How are the Great Aunties and Grandfather?
Mum: They all have full blown dementia. Poor things, they have all gone down hill in the last year.
Me: Oh, that's so sad.
Mum: By the way, check the Agenda Dad sent you. He keeps interrupting our chat to tell me to remind you that we're leaving Friday for Sydney. Which reminds me, how is my computer? Can I use it in Sydney?
Me: Umm, I have your new computer but haven't hooked it up at your place yet.
Mum: Did you get a new flat screen for me like you said you would for my birthday?
Me: Ah, not yet, but soon.
Mum: So I can't use my address book?
Me: Your address book? what do you mean?
Mum: How do I get on the Internet and send emails if you haven't put my computer stuff in the new one?
Me: You can't access your PC from Sydney, mum. You will use the PC or Internet service local to you in Sydney.
Mum: But, how do I know the email addresses of everyone I need to send to?
Me: Just go into your online address book like I showed you with your Yahoo account.
Mum: I don't understand. How can I do that if my computer is not set up properly.
Me: Mum, this is a very expensive call. Don't you think we should be talking about other things?
Mum: Ok. I guess I should let you go then. Give Kalyx my sweet puppy a hug and tell your silly brother to see the doctor.
Me: Ok. Bye. Love you and have fun.
Mum: Bye.

I love them like crazy, but imagine getting this type of call 3 times a week or more when they live in the city. Happy trip Mum and Dad! Enjoy your vacation, because I am.
:)

Beware the Rat Monster Man...thing...

2005-10-31T15:48:00.000-05:00

I laughed my ass off, and if you need to relieve some tension, Click on the picture.

Kashechewan

2005-10-31T15:21:00.000-05:00

Kashechewan

Just hearing about it makes me angry and frustrated. I can't even imagine what the people there are feeling. It's high time that both the Aboriginal Nations (Indian Affairs) and the Federal and Provincial governments get off their asses and do something about the failure and problems on Native Reserves. You wonder why suicide, alcoholism and general malaise is so rife on reserves and it comes down to a few things (in my mind).

No where to go
Nothing to do
No training
No jobs
No economic viable industry
No morale
No support (from government and society)
No sense of accomplishment
Loss of pride
Loss of culture

When you are placed on a piece of land with nothing to help facilitate growth, industry or economic stability, what do you expect the people to do? An old friend of mine who is from the Mohawk Nation told me once that the First Nations people feel as though they are a forgotten people, with more stereotypes against them than any other Race or cultural group. We had an interesting debate about that and I am torn and on the fence. I can remember being unemployed for 3 months, looking for a job in Toronto and feeling like crap, but I had the opportunity to go to many employers and also have a solid educational background. Imagine when you have nothing. And then you get people making dumb ass comments that Natives are drunks and druggies and lazy.

I've been busy and have lots to say but have been too busy so will try to catch up later. Hope everyone is well, and have a Happy Hall'o'ween!

What's been up with me: short version

2005-10-27T09:44:00.000-04:00

I know, I know. I've been a bad neighbour in the Blogdom Kingdom. So to catch up, here are some things going on with me:

I am getting my piano tuned right now. RB went and called a Tuner company 2 weeks ago, because he heard me yammering about how the piano was so out of tune that when I played a piece, it sounded like a different song. Song-yee (the tuner man) started to laugh at how badly out of tune it was. He did a few scales and played a bit, and I realise I need to go take lessons again.
RB started to move a few things into the place, and we have made some decisions to get rid of unnecessary clutter. On my way out to get coffee I dropped of a few old blankets (washed) and left them by a man sleeping at College/Yonge. I am sure he can use them.
I still have my cough/cold from 2 weeks ago, so have been absent and rather remiss with my postings.
I have been watching Weeds from Showcase (US). It is on Wednesday's at 10pm. I seriously recommend this show...and I don't EVER like many shows.
Don't ever eat at Red Lobster. It's disgusting and really salty and oily. I felt like I was eating a bag of salt soaked in butter.
Lots of new ideas for personal artistic development, which I hope to actually start in the next week or so. I never thought I would get back into Canvas or sketch work, but it seems I am developing a new desire to do so. I stopped doing anything for about 8 years because I had no passion or artistic creativity, and I always said I would never do any work that didn't involve some passion in it. Just seems rather disingenuous to do so.
The Company has just purchased a large piece of Real Estate in butt-fuck no where and everyone is concerned that we are being moved there. It currently takes a 15 minute wlk for me to get to work. This new location would have me travelling over 1 hour plus, via Public Transportation.

Ad nauseam

2005-10-19T15:56:00.000-04:00

Not everything is as it seems on this World Wide Web. Nobody is as they appear to be. Some people seem to have a need to make themselves out to be something greater or bigger than they are, when in fact I am sure they would be just fine if they were themselves. I can understand the occassional embellishment of a story or an authors poetic license, but this is just unmistakably wrong.

I, and many of you fellow readers had befriended "Joel" from Priori Ad Lib, who we read on a regular basis. His words flowed with poetic warmth, and he touched us with his incredible insight into the world around him as he suffered through a recurrence of his Leukemia. I won't drag on about the details, but Joel is in effect no more. In fact "Joel" never was. It seems that he was a figment of someone's imagination and that nearly all the poetry and writings from his site were plagiarised.

Sadly, this was brought to my attention by a very kind soul who had gone to visit "Joel" at the Vancouver General Hospital, which "Joel" had invited him to do. Upon his arrival, he was astonished to find out that "Joel" never existed nor was anyone of his description ever an in or out-patient. Why someone would invite a fellow blogger to meet a fictional individual is beyond me. Did they not see that the final outcome would not be good? It took quite a bit of sleuthing, but it seems even the name and people and stories he seemed to captivate us with, were taken from other people's lives and blogs. Early on in our blogdom relationship, I had a brush of doubt when reading one of apriori adlib's posts, but that may simply be my ego or pride kicking in that I should have known earlier. Though it did surprise myself and others that despite all his "accidents" and cancer that he was formidably upbeat and strong.

I feel a resounding pang of sadness and anger that someone would go to such lengths to manipulate our humanistic need for empathy and sympathy. So many of us could relate to Joel, whether it was a friend, family member or ourselves that had cancer or some disease that affected our lives. I have been ruminating about the purpose of the Blog, and can think of a few:

maybe he did exist and was being remembered by a family or friend who couldn't let go.

maybe this was a test, like those reality shows, to see what the human capacity was to feel empathy, care and love.

maybe it was a lonely individual who needed attention, and did whatever they could at the expense of others to get some semblance of attention.

maybe the person was simply a pathological liar.

Funny enough, when you look at the definition of A priori ad lib(itum) this is what you get:

A priori means "'From the former' — presupposed, the reverse of a posteriori. Used in mathematics, philosophy and logic to denote something that is known or postulated before a proof has been carried out." (wikepedia)

ad libitum means "'According to one's pleasure' — Latin ad, according to + libitum, past participle of libre, to please. Often used to indicate the liberty to "improvise", "just ramble on"; especially in music, theatrical scripts, etc..." (wikepedia).

Put the 2 together and you get "to postulate and improvise from the Former" (or something close to it. I am not a Latin major, so humour me). After that definition I am more apt to believe that this was an experiment to see how far a lie could go before it was unwound. An attempt to carry out a project to see if people would blindly trust or actually look for empirical data to back up the postulated theory.

In anycase, the site is now defunct and removed, but a fellow blogger who was so incensed by what "Joel" had done, has now posted A priori Adlibs last few blog posts here.

Karma can kinda be a bitch that way.

Not just the Season is changing...

2005-10-17T15:37:00.000-04:00

Sorry boys and girls, but I've been pretty busy of late. The weather has changed and one can feel the cool, crisp nip in the air. Gone are the summer days of shorts and T-shirts - you can now find me in a warm sweater, strolling the leaf covered streets of Toronto, likely coughing and sneezing. Yes, last week I came down with the dreaded flu and a nasty cough and cold, which had me whimpering like a little nelly school boy. That fine phlegm has finally begun to clear it's way through my nasal cavaties. Your'e welcome for the visual.

Life otherwise has been moving along with some added momentum. Rib Breaker and I have been communicating a lot over the last few weeks, sharing what it is that we want in our lives and relationship. There was a patch a month ago that made our relationship a bit stressful and uncertain. It had arisen from RB's general malaise and lack of communication. I had a long chat with him when it was happening and said some very brutally honest things, that essentially revolved around him taking responsibility for his life. I essentially told him that "there is a point in your life where you have to buck up and take life by it's balls. Be a Man and stop running away from your issues and problems and face them head on. Trust yourself and have faith that you can do whatever you set your mind to. I believe in you and your potential, now you need to as well. Just do it. Don't complain about it, because you won't get any sympathy from me if you don't at least put a foot forward and try." I also told him that I was looking for an equal in a relationship, someone who could support me emotionally, mentally and financially as much as I would of them.

It all hit him pretty hard and he left to ruminate about it, and came back a new person. The change has been phenomenal and with this renewed sense of self, he and I are now talking about the big "M" word....

Moving In.

Please people, I'm crazy, but not that crazy. So, no. Not Marriage. I am far too rational and cautious to jump into anything without first dissecting everything and having a discussion about it. RB is not a man of many words and can find this a bit challenging to say the least. He is, however, an intelligent man and has made the mental calculation and sees, or at least has seen the benefits of communication in our relationship...

More SEX

Yes, it sounds crude, but RB is a simple man who equates much of his happiness to the satiation of 2 things his Mojo, and his stomach. I get my happiness from (amongst many other things) knowing what is happening in life and having the ability to communicate about things. So, I am conditioning him with positive reinforcement. With good communication and good relations he gets more booty. simple. done. finis.

RB has already in essence been living with me for nearly a year, whilst holding his own flat on the East end. If all works well, and we don't chicken out, he will give up his place and move his cute little ass into my place. Lots to discuss still, and a lot of change is happening. It's all a bit scary, but at the same time refreshing and exhilarating. I have never been in a relationship past 6-8 months, nor have I ever shared so much of my time and life with someone, so this is rather an interesting stage in my life.

Change is good...it's what I keep telling myself.

Dentist Stories

2005-10-05T09:39:00.000-04:00

I went for my regular 3 month cleaning today. My dental hygienist, Paul, seriously cracks me up. He seems to have this uncanny ability to continue his conversation where he previously left off. In fact, so do all of his assistants. I find that a little disturbing.

I’ll sit in the chair and the 2 will start asking me about things that I know have happened to me, but have forgotten that I shared with them. Lets just say, I have the worse memory you can imagine, and leave it at that. I could meet you, and talk to you for 2 hours, and one hour later, I’ll forget your name.
One week later I’ll forget what we talked about.
Two weeks later, I will have forgotten how we met.
Two months later, I will have forgotten any association I have to you.

Anyhow, I realise that during my cleaning appointments, I have a tendency to babble on about my life – things that seem normal and natural to me, but when taken out of my world are bizarre. It seems these “bizarre” and “funny’ stories are the only reasons why these people remember me. It’s not my charming good looks or my fabulous teeth, it’s my weird-ass anecdotes about my family and friends or my experiences that they associate to me.

“Oh hey, it’s Alex. The I.T guy whose parents show up at his home unannounced waiting for him to return so that they wave to him from his twelfth floor condo unit, so that he knows that they are there.” No need to call, just show up and wave!

It really is a feat, how they get all this information out of me. I find it odd that they can consistently talk and ask questions while they have all these objects, tools and hands in my mouth.
What’s even more odd, is I answer them.
I'm glad I can entertain them so much as my gums bleed.

President Calls for Less Driving to Conserve Gas

2005-09-27T09:25:00.000-04:00

The Title I realise is in itself a slap in the face. I was reading The New York Times this morning and thought I would share this article, which reminded me of Bush's so-called energy plan back in 2001. Back in 2001, after increasing pressure from Conservationist and lobbyist groups, Bush continued his hardline approach to the idea of fuel conservationism and fuel - efficiency standrds. I remember his photo-op aand tour through in the Department of Energy back in early 2001 where he was looking at all the new technology and energy efficient devices, etc. After the tour he graciously bestowed an $85 million dollar grant to encourage R&D in renewable energy. He failed to mention that this simply filled in the big hole that was left when he cut $85 million from renewable energy development. Talk about bullshit. There's a whole lot more hypocrisy. Just read the article and feel the rage. The last thing the American and World public needs right now, is for the traditionally hard-lined non-conservationist to tell everyone in the World to consume less, while still propositioning the idea of new refineries that had been held back by environmental blockades. This is the culture of fear, where political pundits use fear and growing populace anxiety to push policies through. Maybe he ought to leave Air Force One in the hangar and take up biking or rollerblading.

As a side note, did anyone read Bush's response to the anti-war efforts back on August 30, 2005? In another news photo-op moment, Bush tried to reason and dupe the public again, by claiming that US troops were needed to continue fighting in

Iraq

to protect the country's vast oil fields, which he said would otherwise fall under the control of terrorist extremists. He also said that terrorists should be denied their goal of making

Iraq

a base from which to recruit followers, train them, and finance attacks.

''We will defeat the terrorists," Bush said. ''We will build a free Iraq that will fight terrorists instead of giving them aid and sanctuary."

Yeah, ok. Is it me, or is he still spouting the same old crap?

September 27, 2005

By DAVID LEONHARDT, JAD MOUAWAD and DAVID E. SANGER

Jim Watson/AFP – Getty Images

President Bush said Monday that the government is prepared to again tap into the Strategic Petroleum Reserve.

With fears mounting that high energy costs will crimp economic growth, President Bush called on Americans yesterday to conserve gasoline by driving less. He also issued a directive for all federal agencies to cut their own energy use and to encourage employees to use public transportation.

"We can all pitch in," Mr. Bush said. "People just need to recognize that the storms have caused disruption," he added, and that if Americans are able to avoid going "on a trip that's not essential, that would be helpful."

Mr. Bush promised to dip further into the government's petroleum reserve, if necessary, and to continue relaxing environmental and transportation rules in an effort to get more gasoline flowing.

On Capitol Hill, senior Republicans called for new legislation that they said would lower energy costs by increasing supply and expanding oil refining capacity over the long run.

Even though Hurricane Rita caused much less damage to the oil industry than feared, the two recent hurricanes have disrupted production in the Gulf of Mexico enough to ensure that Americans are facing a winter of sharply higher energy costs. The price of natural gas, which most families use to heat their homes, has climbed even more than the price of gasoline recently.

Households are on pace to spend an average of $4,500 on energy this year, up about $500 from last year and $900 more than in 2003, according to Global Insight, a research firm.

Mr. Bush's comments, while similar to remarks he made shortly after the disruption from Hurricane Katrina pushed gasoline prices sharply higher, were particularly notable because the administration has long emphasized new production over conservation. It has also opted not to impose higher mileage standards on automakers.

In 2001, Vice President Dick Cheney said, "Conservation may be a sign of personal virtue, but it cannot be the basis of a sound energy policy." Also that year, Ari Fleischer, then Mr. Bush's press secretary, responded to a question about reducing American energy consumption by saying "that's a big no."

"The president believes that it's an American way of life," Mr. Fleischer said.

Mr. Bush, speaking yesterday after he was briefed at the Energy Department, did not use the dour tone or cardigan-wearing imagery that proved politically deadly for Jimmy Carter during the oil crisis of the 1970's. Nor did Mr. Bush propose new policies to encourage conservation. But he was more explicit than in the past that Americans should cut back.

Oil companies spent much of yesterday assessing the damage from Hurricane Rita, which seemed to spare many oil and gas facilities. Still, the gulf's entire oil output and about four-fifths of its natural gas production remained shut yesterday, less than a month after Katrina left the industry stretched thin.

The Gulf of Mexico produces about 7 percent of the oil consumed in the United States and provides 16 percent of the nation's natural gas.

About half of the 16 refineries that were forced to shut by Hurricane Rita have said they plan to restart production soon. But delays in refining pushed the average price of gasoline up again for the first time since Labor Day, to $2.80 a gallon for regular gasoline, according to AAA.

Crude oil prices also rose yesterday on the New York Mercantile Exchange, closing up 2.5 percent, to $65.82 a barrel. Natural gas futures rose 12 cents, to $12.44 a thousand cubic feet.

"We've been in a chronic situation here where supplies have not really caught up with demand," said Dave Costello, an analyst at the Energy Information Administration.

In response to higher energy costs, households are likely to spend less on restaurant meals, clothing and other items. That would slow economic growth in coming months, but economists predicted that other forces - like a continuing housing boom and rising corporate investments in factories and equipment - would keep the economy growing.

"I don't think we're talking about a recession or a near recession," said Joshua Shapiro, the chief United States economist at MFR, a research company in New York. "I think we're talking about growth that is slower than people expected."

Households are now spending about $550 billion a year on energy, up by about $150 billion since the start of last year, according to Global Insight. Over the course of an entire year, the increase would be equal to almost 2 percent of overall consumer spending.

Energy costs are likely to be a particular burden on low- and middle-income households, whose income growth has barely matched inflation over the last few years. Wealthier households have done better, government data show, and have helped keep economic growth healthy with spending on second homes, new vehicles and the like.

Although more forecasters, including Federal Reserve officials, remain optimistic, some say that the spike in energy costs could lead to something of a tipping point for consumers. Families have already begun saving less money in response to higher energy costs, and they might eventually decide to rethink other parts of their budget.

"The best leading indicator of consumer spending is real average hourly earnings," which have been hurt by higher energy costs, said Joseph H. Ellis, a former Goldman Sachs partner and the author of a forthcoming book on the business cycle. "I think we're heading into a very difficult 2006."

In Washington, two House committees are expected to consider proposals this week that have been blocked in the past by environmental objections. Beyond making it easier to build new refineries, one proposal would allow states to opt out of Congressional bans on coastal oil drilling, and another would allow drilling for oil and gas in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, which has been controversial for years.

"Families who are paying more than $3 for a gallon of gasoline cannot afford to watch Congress block more clean U.S. energy production while they suffer," said Representative Richard Pombo, Republican of California and chairman of the Resources Committee.

The oil and gas industry supported the moves. John B. Walker, chairman of the Independent Petroleum Association of American, said areas now off limits offshore and in Alaska "could supply our nation with more than 100 years of natural gas - and save U.S. consumers upward of $500 billion."

Environmental groups said drilling advocates were trying to take advantage of anxiety from the storms and rising gasoline prices to push proposals that did not survive in the recently passed energy bill.

"It is kind of sad," said Kevin Curtis, legislative director at the National Environmental Trust. "There is nothing here that helps the consumer at the gas pump short term."

While attention has been focused on gasoline prices, the spike in natural gas prices has the potential to pose a bigger economic threat.

Households that use natural gas will pay an average $1,130 to heat their homes this winter, an increase of almost $400, according to federal government estimates. The price of natural gas in futures markets has more than doubled since 2000 and is six times what it was throughout the 1990's.

Another meme for a rainy Monday morning

2005-09-26T13:50:00.000-04:00

1. What does your blog title name mean? Epicureal thoughts: Epicurist is a play on the name Epicurus, a philosopher during the Hellinistic period who rejected the idea of the immaterial soul and that our lives were not governed by the power of gods. He believed that knowledge of the world could be achieved through sensory perception of the world and that our existence and point to all our actions was to seek pleasure and reduce desire (pleasure = knowledge and tranquility).

2. Were you named after anyone? One of the Trudeau kids. My brother is named after one of the other Trudeau kids.

3. Do you wish on stars? Nope, but I sure do like to look at them.

4. When did you last cry? A couple of weeks ago.

5. Do you like your handwriting? Yes, at times

6. What is your favorite lunch meat? Prosciutto

7. What are your pet peeves? Rude people, who don't say "Thank you". People who don't hold the door open for the next person. People who are tardy. People who are drama queens. People who don't smile. Nosiness. Bossiness. Arrogance.

8. What is your most embarrassing CD? Captain and Tenille

9. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? No.

10. Do you think you're strong? Yes I believe so: physically, spiritually and mentally. It's a learning and growing process.

11. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? I'm lactose intolerant, so I steer clear of the stuff. But would choose vanilla or chocolate.

12. Shoe Size? 10 1/2

13. Red or pink? Red

14. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? I can be a bit too aggressive at times.

15. Who do you miss most? Daily? My grandmother and an old friend I lost touch with.

16. Do you want everyone who reads this to comment and post on their blog? Comment, sure if they wish. Post is up to them.

17. What colour pants and shoes are you wearing? Blue jeans, and black striped dress shirt.

18. What are you listening to right now? Les Nubiennes

19. Last thing you ate? Swiss Chalet Regular cut ribs and quarter chicken with fries.

20. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Blue

21. What is the weather like right now? Rained all morning. Now it is slightly humid and sunny with clouds.

22. Last person you talked to on the phone? An officer at the Police station, reporting my lost wallet and protection of identity.

23. The first thing you notice about a person? Smile and eyes. I can see if they are kind and genuine this way.

24. What are 5 things that attract you to a partner? Self-confidence (not arrogance), masculinity, kindness, sincerity, humour.

25. Favorite Drink? vodka and anything.

26. What amazes you? Nature, and how small we are in the grand scheme of all things. Oh, and love.

27. Hair Color? Black - getting a few greys now.

29. Do you wear contacts? Yes.

30. Favorite Food? A really nice home cooked meal.

31. Last book you read? In the middle of several books: Dan Browns' Angels & Demons, David Sedaris' Dress Your Family in Courduroy and Denim, Pearl Buck' The Good Earth.

32. Favourite Day of The Year? The first day of Spring when the sun is shining and one can feel the warmth and smell the earth and see the tulips and spring flowers.

33. Scary Movies or Happy Endings? Happy Endings

34. Summer or Winter? Summer for sure

35. Hugs OR Kisses? Depends who... hugs rock but kissing with someone special can't be beat.

36. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? Chips or fruit.

37. Salty or sweet tooth? Salty for sure.

38. Where were you born? Taipei, Taiwan (yes, I'm made in Tawian)

39. Living Arrangements? Me and my dog and Rib Breaker who practically lives with me now.

40. What's your favorite book? Anything by David Sedaris, Raymond E. Feist, Kurt Vonnegut.

41. What's On Your Mouse Pad? Don't use mousepads.

42. What Did You Watch Last night on TV? Discovery Health Channel: The true story of a 675LB woman, the 1 Tonne man, and the two headed baby...I know, I need a life.

43. Favorite Smells? The forest earth, the smell of a man just out of the shower, Rain, lavender, freshly laundered clothing.

44. Favorite Sounds? Laughter and friends voices

45. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Rolling Stones

46. What's the furthest you've been from home? China

47. Do you have a special talent? Is this a trick question...Ummm, I'd say the ability to see both sides to a point or argument.

48. What is your ring tone? What it should be, a phone ringing

49. Diamonds or pearls? diamonds

50. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go? somewhere warm, where the ocean meets beaches, waterfalls and mountains.

51. Where would you like to retire to? See number 50.

The ironic humour of it all

2005-09-22T09:14:00.000-04:00

Thanks and credits for inspiration and for this rant go to Sister Stacey Patrick (Bellyache with the Sister). The wonderful Sister Stacey, harked upon a topic that had been ruminating in my cerebral wasteland for sometime, so rather than clog her comment section, I decided to post my own tidbit.

What with all these recent ~~natural~~ ~~environmental~~ ~~events~~ ~~disasters~~ Acts of God happening in the U.S, I got to wondering where the forgiving Christian God had gone with his miracles? Had he forsaken all the good, God-fearing, Bible reading Americans, like he did Christ on Golgotha? Why would he do something like this? Was he washing all the sinners from the land like he did during the Great Flood, or does he simply no longer hear the prayers of His people?

"The Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And The Lord was sorry that He had made man on the earth, and it grieved Him to His heart. So The Lord said, "I will blot out man whom I have created from the face of the ground, man and beast and creeping things and birds of the air, for I am sorry that I have made them." (Genesis 6:5-7 RSV)

In the Bible it states that, "The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. (Nahum 1:7)" It also claims "The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them. (Psalms 145: 18-19)".

Hmmm...how interesting...

So I guess those who pray to God and go to Church will receive this "refuge" as he will hear their cries and save them. Pat Robertson claimed that his prayers to God helped prevent both Hurricane Gloria (1985) and Hurricane Felix (1995) from striking Hampton Roads, Virginia, the headquarters of Robertson's Christian Broadcasting Network (CBN). The Virginian-Pilot who quoted him, further noted that "Robertson also believes that various natural disasters are signs of God's will and that the world will suffer more of them before the arrival of 'the end of the age.'" Halleleujia! That's quite the feat there Patty-boy. As Roma Downey says, "God loves you!"

Of course in typical Pat Robertson double-talk, back on May 01, 2005, when George Stephanopolous was interviewing Pat Robertson for ABC, he asked why a God "so involved in our daily life" would allow a tsunami to kill hundreds of thousands of people, Robertson than replied that "I don't think He reverses the laws of nature."

Hmmm, so which is it? Does God listen to us or not? Does God swerve hurricanes and earthquakes and natural disasters away from the praying peeps or not?

And, what does this mean for all those who were hit, or who did die? What does this Biblically represent when hurricanes, tropical storms and tornadoes are hitting all over the States - Either God really hates Dubya and is ignoring Roberstons' prayers, or Roberston simply isn't praying hard enough for the people of the world. Or, maybe it was Sunday, you know, the day that God takes a rest from all his work. Come on people, everyone gets tired. You really oughta give the big man a break once in a while - what with your constant prayers, whining and kvetching. He must get tired of it all and need at least 1 days rest, don't you think?

Of course, when the disaster does hit, it is blamed on the Gays, abortionists, feminists, non-Christians, heathens, but never on Bush, nuclear weapons, war, greed, false prophets or Benny Hinn. The hypocrisy just astounds me. I wonder if just maybe, and I know this is a big stretch of the imagination. But, what if - and this is a big IF - Hurricanes were actually just a natural occurrence where warm water, moist air and equatorial winds converge? Do you think God looks at his Microsoft Outlook Calendar, and says every July-to-October that there are more sinners this time of the year, so "lets wreak some havoc?"

But, I realise that can't be true, because Creationists and Intelligent Design proponents have empirical evidence in the Bible that these things are truly acts of gods mercy. You know, I may be a bit blonde at times, but I'm not an idiot. I have spoken and listened to many preachers and theologians speaking about the mercy of God - that God is not at the mercy of us, but that we are at the mercy of God.

Ummm, yeah, I think I'll pass on that thanks. All this simply tells me is that if we do not follow the will of God than we will be punished. I have enough things going on in my own life, that I don't need some unseen entity hovering around me granting and bestowing me mercy when He thinks I've prayed enough.

That's called vicious teasing or better yet, bullying.

Reminds me of when I was 9 years old. There was a bully in my elementary school, who would punch me and make fun of me, and beat me up on my way home. He would put me in a headlock and tell me to say I was a "cock sucker" or something like that and then steal something from me. If I agreed and said or did what he wanted, then I would be spared his wrath. I see no difference, other than that my bully in school was real and tangible and not a figment of my imagination. I know the difference, thanks.

Oh, and as for the bully? I realised that his idle threats could be matched and beaten by a well placed kick to his gonads. He too pleaded to God and Jesus Christ that afternoon, but I guess God was busy with other more important things.

Bored?

2005-09-20T16:39:00.000-04:00

I am completely bored out of my mind today, and spent my time surfing for good sites to fill the time. I have provided some very funny video links and Advertisements below, starting with Dubya. By the way, they are safe tp watch in the office.

Fox News and CNN on Canada
Your Pet Beaver?
Canadian breast exam
Don't spend your life
Prison Life Insurance
2004 Voting Machine
Tune it Out
Reach: A Musical Lecture
stuffed animals
Jeapordy
Wife on Phone

Additionals:

Wicked KungFu
New cell phone
real life vs. Internet
Need directions
News report from Iraq

Bystander Apathy

2005-09-19T10:02:00.000-04:00

I know I am not any different or better than others. I know that my fellow man/woman has as much compassion and care as I do about others. I know that I would want the same care and compassion shown to me, as I show to others.

Why am I bringing this up?

Well, this morning as I was on my way to work crossing College Park, I noticed a handsome young man in casual business attire having trouble walking. He had his work bag clenched in his fist and was shaking uncontrollably, head cocked back. In fact, from experience he was either having a seizure or he had cerebral palsy. There were a number of people walking by him giving him funny looks, so I ran over to him to ask if he was ok. He muttered something uncomprehensible and it became obvious to me that he wasn't. I grabbed him and picked him up, before he fell to the ground and carried him over to the grass. His seizure lasted about 45 - 60 seconds and he was frothing and losing control of his limbs and motor skills, so I turned him to his side to prevent choking (tongue slipping back etc).

I called 911 immediately after I had him lying head in lap and they said they would be there in a few minutes. As I was holding him in my lap, cleaning his face, a big burly fellow came up who I immediately became suspicious of. He called out in a loud voice "What the fucks wrong with him?" I told him he had a seizure and that he was fine and that the ambulance was coming. The fellow then began to interrogate me and the guy and then kicked the guy in the knee, saying that he was an EMS technician. I told the guy "to step the fuck away from us, before I get up and I kick you in the head." He continued to try to kick him and I had to jump up to push him away telling him "If you don't step away from us I WILL beat your fucking ass to the ground." He was obviously mentally unstable and had a wild look in his eyes. Funny, how first no one wants to help, then you get the "wrong" types of people trying to interfere. It's fucked up, I tell you. Thankfully the EMS team arrived and they began treatment on the fellow, whilst keeping the burly guy at bay.

They asked me a series of questions about what had happened and I told them he didn't hit the floor or get a concussion and that his eyes seemed dilated. It seems he was diabetic and his blood sugar was very low at 1.4. Your standard sugar level for most people should be between 4.0-6.0. Too low or too high could send you into shock if you are a diabetic (My mother is Type 2 diabetic).

I suppose this was all in a days work, but here is my question. Why do people stand around watching? What is with this culture of Bystander Apathy? What if he was having a heart attack, or started to choke on vomit, or fell back and hit his head on the cement? It's not brain science. If you see someone remotely looking like they are having trouble DO SOMETHING! I studied Psycholgy in University, and I realise that Bystander Apathy is a psychological phenomenon that happens when there are others present, but it pisses the fucking shit out of me when people decide to shift their social responsibility to assist others. We are human beings and compassion is something that should be shown at all times. If this had happened to me, I know I would want someone to assist. It wasn't like this fellow was dressed shabbily, or smelled of alcohol. Even if he was, who cares? We have a duty to help every person when we are faced with a situation to help.

Anyhow, I am glad he is ok, and was happy to note the one other fellow who came to hold the fellows head up as I went to push off the burly guy. There is hope I suppose. I am just fiercely angry at those people who walked by and ignored him, or gave him a dirty look.

Note to self: Go take a St. Johns Ambulatory First Aid course.

Parental Phone calls deux

2005-09-16T12:06:00.000-04:00

I just called my parents to give them an update on the dog and her conditions. My mum has been sending emails to me, basically telling me to treat her well and ensure she has lots of love since she is "an old lady now". I'm not quite certain how she thinks I treat my dog on a daily basis, but I will just hypothesize that she tells me such things because she feels guilty that she cannot be there for Kalyx. Anyhow, my dad picks up the phone and the following conversation ensued:

Dad: Hello???
Me: Oh, hey dad. How are you?
Dad: Yeah. Ok, good. What do you want?
Me: Umm, I was calling to say hi...
Dad: Oh, ok. Hi.
Me: Uh, is Mom around? I wanted to give her an update on Kalyx.
Dad: No, mum's not here. She went out. Why? You better hurry up, cause I'm taking a shit.
Me: What? Well, why are you picking up the phone?
Dad: I thought it was mum.
Me: You take the phone with you into the bathroom?
Dad: No, I run out to get it.
Me: Oh gross Dad. OK, go. I am hanging up. Tell her to call me later.

There are very few things that disgust me, but imagining my father pinching a loaf and running into the living room, hunched over with his underwear at his feet is one that does.

Dog allergies.

2005-09-15T15:05:00.000-04:00

Every year in the month of August, millions of people are affected by the much hated ragweed and late season pollinators, causing allergies. I am one of them. My eyes, get itchy, watery, red and puffy. My nose runs and drips. I get hives and itchy and I am stuck in the home with the air con, popping antihistamine medication.

Sadly, my dog is also affected by these late season allergies. She has had them for as long as I can remember, and we get them at the exact same time, sort of like synchronised PMS. She and I both begin sneezing and scratching. Its quite pathetic, but even more sad becuase the poor dear has to wear her much hated "Elizabethan" satelitte collar, to prevent her from scratching hers eyes out. I am doing my best but with her collar and drugged up state she looks like shes drunk, walking into corners and walls. The poor thing has hives all over her muzzle and paws and now has a few cuts and sores from rubbing and scratching.

She's been grumpy and moody and has taken up the habit of chewing my carpet to get back at me. You can see the damage from the picture on the left. RB now calls her a carpet muncher, which I have vehemently denied (no offense to you carpet munchers).

Just another 2 weeks to go before this all passes for both her and myself. She's off to the dreaded vet, where I am sure she will terrorise the other dogs and try to bite the vet.

7 things

2005-09-14T11:35:00.000-04:00

Everyone is already blogging about Katrina and the waves, Bush, his mother, Iraq, the Toronto Film Festival, sex, life, death, etc, so I say go read them today. I have nothing interesting to say.

7 things I plan to do before I die:

Travel the world
Get back into painting and studio work
Organise my writing into different collections. Same goes for this blog.
Settle down and share my life in a happy home.
skydive, handglide, bungee jump. I realise that's 3, but they fall in the category of adventurous stuff.
Open my own business.
understand who I am and what I want.

7 things I can do:

Burp.
come up with lots of great art projects.
listen and always see both sides to an argument.
clean and organise.
Take care of people.
cook and eat.
garden and grow things.

7 things I cannot do:

stand on a balcony and look up. (don't ask why...it just freaks me out).
execute "said" art projects.
eat pussy.
Grow facial or chest hair.
Feel sorry for those who complain about their situation, but don't try to work it out.
Have patience for stupidity, and even more so ignorance.
Ever have one definitive answer or point to a discussion or argument.

7 things that attract me to the same sex:

Confidence
Intelligence
Humour
Masculinity
Sincerity
Passion for life
Strength (mind, spirit and body)

7 things that I say most often:

You fucking loser!
Fucking dork!
What?! Are you stupid?
Whatever
Thank you
Can you please use your brain. (not a question so much as a statement)
So? whats up?

7 celebrity crushes: 

Jason Statham
Hugh Jackman
Anderson Cooper
Wentworth Miller
Andy Roddick
Alexandre Despatie
Julia Roberts

7 people I want to do this:
I won't subject anyone to it.

Muskoka Weekend

2005-09-12T08:21:00.000-04:00

RB and I returned from a beautiful weekend at a friends cottage. Unfortunately, I don't have much time to post, but some of my pictures can be found by clicking on the flickr link to the right.

Some American News

2005-09-07T08:37:00.000-04:00

I've been reading the New York Times and following up on other news in the States, and thought I'd post a few notable quotes, links that struck me.

P.S. I am trying to catch up on everyone's blogs and apologise for the neglect. Love and hugs to all!

------------------------------------------------

September 06, 2005

Fox Network Bans Our New TV Ad

As reported in Tuesday morning's New York Times, the Fox Network has taken the shocking and free-speech-infringing step of censoring our groundbreaking TV ad.

In the Times, Brian called Fox's actions "untenable," "un-American" and "disrespectful to voters."

America has a proud tradition of free political speech. We won't let the right-wing Fox Network keep us from spreading the word.

We would love to hear your thoughts in the thread below.

THREAD

---------------------------------------------------------------

I was livid when I saw this article and even more so when I read the comments. The majority of comments lacked any semblance of educated thought. I had to write something in turn but decided to use my real name and forgoe attaching my email and web address, lest I receive idiotic and unwanted correspondance. This is what I wrote:

To those misinformed negative commentators,

I am terribly sorry, but there is a considerable difference between gay-bashing and presidential pot-shots. Gay bashing, like any prejudicially driven violence has it's basis in mis-information and hate. People bash gays, or target Blacks because they are considered "different" and stand out from the "1940's American family/dream". You are comparing apples and oranges if you think that George W feels or experiences the same heat and hate that gays, blacks, muslims, women, etc, feel.

When people take potshots at the president or any political figure it is based on their failures and mistakes. Just because one becomes president does not give them immunity from being held responsible for their failings. It should be the polar opposite. You must be held accountable when you are in a position of power, because you have the power to influence and change. As a Canadian, I watch with mixed emotions how individual freedoms are being quashed and violated in the U.S based on this false sense of entitlement. Americans seem to hold their political figures in such high regard that they make them out to be demi-gods. There is nothing wrong with questioning and opening dialogue to discuss the nature of a questionable president, caucus, or government representative. This is how conversation and true debate begins. Let the people decide what is right for them. Censorship is used by those who are afraid of the truth or the emergence of alternative discussions. We are not sheep and we should not blindly follow and accept everything that is shoved down our throats.

Posted by: Alex at September 6, 2005 04:20 PM

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Many `underprivileged' better off, Barbara Bush says

September 06, 2005

WASHINGTON—As President George W. Bush battled criticism over the response to Hurricane Katrina, his mother declared it a success for evacuees who "were underprivileged anyway," saying on Monday that many of the poor she had seen while touring a Houston relocation site were faring better than before the storm hit. "What I'm hearing, which is sort of scary, is they all want to stay in Texas," Mrs. Bush told the American Public Media radio program Marketplace on Monday. "Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. "And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway," she said, "so this is working very well for them." Mrs. Bush toured the Astrodome complex with her husband, former president George H.W. Bush, as part of an administration campaign throughout the Gulf Coast region to counter criticism of the response to the storm. Former president Bush and former president Bill Clinton are helping raise money for the rebuilding effort. White House officials did not respond yesterday to calls for comment on Mrs. Bush's remarks. NEW YORK TIMES

Oh god, I really have absolutely no idea what to say regarding this except that it seems it is genetic. And as a side note, I see that Fox Network News hasn't mentioned a thing about Barbara Bush making this comment. I won't hold my breath.

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Dion slams US authorities over Katrina response

07/09/2005 - 08:52:09

Canadian singer Celine Dion has launched a scathing attack on US President George W Bush's Iraq policy, while criticising his country's slow response to the southern states devastated by last week's Hurricane Katrina.

Dion, who has donated $1m (€7.99m) to victims of the storm, grew visibly emotional as she told of her frustration watching tens of thousands of survivors wait days for aid on CNN's Larry King Live TV show on Saturday.

The Think Twice hitmaker fumed: "I open (sic) the television, there's people still there, waiting to be rescued, and for me it's not acceptable.

"I know there's reasons for it, I'm sorry to say, I'm being rude, but I don't want to hear those reasons."

Dion criticised authorities for arresting looters in New Orleans, Louisiana, saying they should make rescuing the stranded victims a priority.

She said: "Oh, they're stealing 20 pair of jeans or they're stealing television sets. Who cares? They're not going to go too far with it. Maybe those people are so poor, some of the people who do that they're so poor they've never touched anything in their lives. Let them touch those things for once."

Dion referred to Bush's controversial war in Iraq, saying: "How come it's so easy to send planes in another country to kill everyone in a second, to destroy lives? We need to be there right now to rescue the rest of the people."

Celine, good for you. I always love hearing her speak in her Frech-English. Sometimes the wording is off, but we always get it.

Just a thought

2005-09-02T20:14:00.000-04:00

I will likely get a lot of negative responses to this quick post, but I bet that if Hurricane Katrina had hit somewhere more socio-economically valuable, that the move to assist and help would have been greater.

I also bet that people are less likely to help people of colour, specifically those of African descent.

I also bet that many think that the United States should have been prepared for this, and that as one of the richest nations, they don't need or deserve the assistance of other nations.

Am I being cynical or playing the race or political card? Maybe I am, but looking back historically, I can't help but make this assumption. It's not something I or anyone wants to hear, but I think it needs to be said, so that we keep ourselves in check. We will never reach humanity if we aren't compassionate for everyone. People all suffer and hurt, so forget about politics or race, or the fact that this happened in a rich country.

p.s. I'll be back when I have more time, and hope all is well with everyone.

Porno King Part Deux

2005-08-31T16:39:00.000-04:00

This is a follow-up to the Porno King post. I had originally posted this follow-up on Dec 09, 2004. Both were archived for some odd reason, so I am reposting.
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It seems that I have somehow failed to write a follow-up to my photo shoot for the Spa as mentioned in the Porno King post. It actually took place sometime ago in early summer 2004, but for one reason or the other (i.e. embarrassment) I failed to document. I had been feeling under the weather and went out to the local pharmacy to get some Tylenol when I bumped into the owner of the Spa. We struck up a conversation and he started to apologise that he had gone ahead and completed the print ad campaign for the Spa, but was now interested in having me do a Web-based commercial for the Spa.

My head was a bit foggy, and I wasn't quite sure what he meant, but my imagination took wind. Like fat sugarplums stomping in my head, a plethora of images popped into my noggin with ideas of what the ad would look like. Me standing there with some sexy older man. The Spa's name emblazoned overhead in some shower scene. Both of us buck naked soaping and showering. It would go something like this.

Me: "Daddy, I'm not quite sure why, but some days I just don't feel so fresh"
Daddy (picking up an enema kit): "Well son, come on over here and we'll get you all squeaky clean!"
Me: "Oh daddy! I love you so!"

I was woken from my stupor, and he told me to drop by on the shoot date if I was still interested. Could you imagine my 15 seconds of fame?

So I go to the Spa early the morning of, and meet the rest of the actors/models. We watch as a production crew sets up lighting, cameras and props (no enemas or masengill, thank you). I am still a bit hesitant and wary, but I sign the disclosure forms and sign my life away. The shoot ran from 9am till 3pm and was quite a production and involved a shower scene, jacuzzi scene and a lounge scene where I am hanging around watching others play pool in my monagramed bath towel (well, not quite). I didn't realise that it would be such a big production. There were tonnes of crew and camera men, plus all the actors/models and a gawking crowd of older men, all of whom followed us around like unwanted groupies. It was all a little surreal, but I must admit I am quite proud of myself for having done it.

I had the honour of seeing the commercial recently and it is surprisingly tasteful. I'm not sure if that is the right word to use, but there were no cheesey, wonky porn 70's music, and no gratuitous shots. You see quite a bit of my arse and a shadowed profile of my face, but one can't really tell who I am, unless they know me (hmmm...I had mind as well stop the smart ass comments now!).

Anyhow, the 90 second web commercial isn't quite on the website as yet, but I will be sure to mention it if it does. No visuals or links thank you.

Porno King

2005-08-29T06:16:00.000-04:00

(This is a re-post from April 2004, as it was lost in my archives, and recently dug up. I will be back to my regular syndication in a day or so.)

Life seems to get more and more bizarre as I go through it.

I recently was sitting at a bar enjoying a beer, minding my own business and reading a recent article in Fab Magazine. There was this French guy sitting next to me who was working on his laptop. I couldn't help but look over at what he was scrolling through - literally hundreds of photos of naked guys and websites.
I left to take a leak and when I came back, the guy turns to me and says he was just chatting about me with his business partner. I asked what they were chatting about, and he tells me that he is a website and porn producer, and that his friend is a Toronto Spa owner. They wanted me to consider the possibility of going to Montreal to film a porn and to be the "poster child" for the Spa - needless to say I was in a bit of a shock. Not exactly bar conversation, or the first thing you expect someone to ask you.

Mind you, I was flattered beyond belief, but had no idea what to do or say. He proceeded to show me his work and sites that he promotes, and tells me he wants me to represent an untapped and open market in representing Asians in the community.

The first image that crossed my mind was some gratuitous portrayal of my face and naked body splayed across a box with the title "Kung-Pao Chicken" or "Riding the Orient Express" emblazoned in a red Chinese style font.

The second image was that the box would be on some window of a Yonge Street porn shop.

The third image was my mom passing out on Yonge Street in front of the said porn shop.

My friends have been split on this issue. Some say no and others say yes. One wants to be my manager so that he can get a cut out of it.... I have such caring wonderful supportive friends.

Anyhow, its been an interesting experience and I'll let you all know what my decision is. Better yet, just keep your eye out for me on your nearest porn shop shelf.

Rib Breakers Birthday Week Weekend

2005-08-23T09:21:00.000-04:00

I finally decided to break away from work for a few days and took last Thursday and Friday off to spend with Rib Breaker as it was his birthday on Friday. It's quite hard to leave your work, especially when you have a Blackberry tied to your side. It's no wonder that they call it a Crackberry these days.

Rib Breaker, myself and My So Called Gay Life, went to Canada's Wonderland (Thursday) to have a festive day riding rollercoasters and other rides. We had a great time and thoroughly enjoyed our day, despite the raucous crowds of kids, tweens and teens. There was one point while waiting an hour for a ride that a group of 3 girls were gossiping next to us. This was their conversation:

Girl Friend 1: "Oh my god, I totally can't believe that asshole would do that to me. I mean, like whats wrong with him? Men are total pigs!"
Girl Friend 2: "Well, I totally like heard that he totally was dating this other girl, who was like a friend of another friend"
Girl Friend 3: "Yeah, whats up with that? Men are total assholes"

I had half turned to respond, thinking they were my Joy Luck Club bitches, but realised they were 16 year old teen girls. Makes one wonder doesn't it? 16 year old girls and 30ish year old gay men having the same damned discussion. Rather disturbing and unsettling.

Upon my return home, we found that the bedroom had been flooded by a unit on the 15th floor. Apparently, the toilet tank had broken flooding 5 units below it. The damage was moderate, but the clean up was a bitch. I've taken pictures and will be putting in a claim to have the walls and carpet repaired. I may just get my new floors that I have always wanted!

Friday was a rather busy day, as I had been planning a surprise birthday party for Rib Breaker. This party had already been 2 weeks in the planning, so everything had been organised for 8:45 that evening. I had told Rib Breaker that my parents were dropping by for dinner at 7pm, so he would have to leave during that time (something he was none too happy about) and I arranged with his friend to take him out for drinks. It was all part of my plan to decieve, and since RB was off that day, I took him to Kensington Market to help me do some grocery shopping. Another ruse to throw him off. Anyhow, the food and party turned out great and RB was more than surprised, and later asked if I had actually had dinner with my parents. He's pretty, but none too bright. And yes, I finally will post pictures of the boy.

Rib Breaker's Surprise Birthday Cake

Rib Breaker's Surprise Birthday

The rest of the weekend was relaxed and RB left with a friend to Gananoque Ontario, near the 1000 Islands, to drive his friends' families' 54 foot yacht down to Toronto. He is having a ball of a time, and I know that because he called me Monday morning while at work to tell me he was lying on the deck with a drink in his hand soaking up the sun. That no good son of a ....

Alternate Reality Television Shows

2005-08-17T10:41:00.000-04:00

With the proliferation of reality TV shows, my boss and I came up with these alternative reality shows about a year ago. I am sure some have become a reality by now.

The Funeral: Contestants compete for an all expense paid funeral for recently dead Granny. The Funeral is complete with live Gospel singers, flowers and limo ride for the deceased and family. Twist: Granny didn't actually die.

The Orphan: A collection of orphans are competing for prospective parents. Twist: The parents are revealed to be a transvestite and his lover.

The Transplant: 4 contestants are competing for 1 available/compatible lung from a recently deceased motorcycle accident. Twist: The winning contestant must give up a Kidney in order to get the lung.

The Vegetarian: Contestants compete for the right to save a truck full of animals destined for the slaughter house. Each contestant will choose in advance which animals they want to save – Pigs, Cows, and Chickens. Twist: The winner will pick from the selection of losers who will have to witness the slaughter of their chosen animal and are required to ware a garment made from the skins of the dead animals..

The Patient: Contestants are signed up by family members. They are told they have a fatal disease which gets seemingly progressively worse or better as the season progresses. The audience votes for whom should get better each week. Twist: All of the contestants are told they are not really sick except for ONE who actually is fatally ill and wins a trip to Florida.

Homeless: Vagrant homeless people are contestants on a show which force them to compete for a job, shelter and medication. Twist: The winner is subsequently fired for no reason and evicted.

Slum Lord: Contestants are required to stay in a dilapidated apartment where they are competing for the right to stay in a luxury unit until the next challenge. Rats, cockroaches and other infestations are rampant in this venue infecting food supplies.

The Prostitute: Contestants vie to be released by their PIMPS. Audience votes for who should go back to the street. Challenge games for rewards include: Spot the STD, Scavenger hunt for Antibiotics and Pin the Drugs on the Pimp.

The Crack Addict: Contestants pulled off skid row to go through a 6 month heroin Detox. The winner gets 6 months free supply of Grade “A” crack and a discount at Goodwill.

The Office: Contestants are hired for a new online company, in the hopes that they will win a coveted VP position. Twist: the company is fake and their jobs aren’t real. Contestants are put through extreme stress related work conditions including amphetamines being put in coffee. The winner wins a trip to Florida.

The Hole: Contestants compete in a series of sex games where they are blind folded and handcuffed and made to have sex with each other. The Twist: Some contestants are swapped with animals…Who is the imposter? Who is the Hole? The winner who guesses the human wins antibiotics and the animal butchered and cleaned.

The Griller: Contestants vie to be the BEST Griller in the Country. Week after week they prepare and grill prime cuts of meat until the winner is crowned by the audience. Twist: The grilling meat is Human and is only revealed at the very end.

The Refuge: Contestants are refugees from countries accused of political and human rights violations. Winners get landed immigrant papers and free ESL classes. The Twist: They must traffic cocaine and raw heroin from their countries into ours without getting caught.

The Immigrant: Contestants vie for the right to immigrate to a foreign country. Winner will be selected by national vote. Twist: The country is Afghanistan and the winner is sent there with a one way ticket.

The Union: Contestants vie for the right to move away from their blue collar jobs and move into management. Twist: After the winner is selected the plant is closed and everyone is laid off.

The Priest: Contestants vie for the right to enter the seminary and become a priest. Challenges include: Spot the Breast, Tickle the Twink, Wiggle my Willy. Twist: All the contestants are arrested for Child Molestation and put on trial.

The Inmate: Male contestants have been falsely accused with a child sex felony and are vying to get a “get out of jail” pass by undergoing a series of tests, trials and tribulations. They will live in a penitentiary, where they will share a cell with another inmate. The Twist: they are each roomed with a real sex offender and are slipped 2 Viagra’s each night with their meals. (Soap in showers comes from a dispenser attached to floor).

Macho Man: Contestants think they are on a game show picking the Macho-est man in America. Challenges are to demonstrate Man-ly activities. Twist: Unbeknownst to them, the contestants are fed daily doses of female hormones. Audience watches as breasts develop, facial hair becomes thinner and men all begin to develop hips.

The Widow: Contestants are vying for the title of best couple in America. Twist: The winner is told that her mate has been in a car accident while coming to the final taping of the show.

The Tech: People are filmed calling their IT departments because of some computer problem. Contestants are the IT department and as such put them through several steps to determine the actual IT problem. The winner is the Tech who can get their user to delete the entire hard drive in the shortest amount of time.

The Coroner: Contestants are vying to be the technical consultant to CSI, the TV show. They are called upon to perform various coroner investigative duties one of which is an autopsy. Twist: The person they are performing the duties on are a recently deceased family member.

The Home: 10 poor & elderly contestants must compete in a series of competitions to see who will leave their families and receive a luxury retirement package. The Twist: They are actually put into a Montreal Nursing Home.

Childhood Lessons

2005-08-12T12:24:00.000-04:00

My mum and dad were those typical Chinese parents that believed their kids needed to be perfect and excel in everything. To reach this lofty goal they enlisted us in piano, swimming and various other things, including Mandarin Chinese classes on Saturday mornings.

This of course was the cruelest thing you could do to a kid.

A Saturday was meant to be spent playing and enjoying life. Instead we were sent to a public school full of Westernized Chinese Canadian kids who according to their parents were pathetic ambassadors to our country and language. We were there to learn our heritage and language, but like the rest of the kids, I was daydreaming of cartoons, cereal and my bike.

In our family, if we weren't in Chinese school, we were woken early on Saturday morning to start cleaning. It was another obsessive compulsive ritual my mother had, that is still ingrained in me now. We would get up, eat, then start to vacuum, mop, clean the bathrooms, dust, polish the wood, then polish the silver, cut the grass, and any other chore that my parents thought they could torture us with.

We hated every minute of it, and whenever we told them that the other kids never had to do things like this, they would say, "You want to be like them? All dirty and living in dusty mouldy houses? Then go!"

Of course we wouldn't. It was a trick of theirs.

If we turned our backs and tried to walk out of the door, they would say " Fine, I guess you do not care how hard your mother and father work to put food on the table. All we wanted was a little help, but instead our children want to leave and play and make us do all the work".

It was like living with Jewish guilt. We were household slaves with benefits, and my parents were the warlords who ruled this little kingdom with an guilt trips.

As I got older, I began to delve into my inner deviousness. I would dread the idea of having to go to Chinese classes on Saturdays, so I found out where the electrical panel was and in the middle of the night, when everyone was asleep, I would tiptoe across the house, open the panel and switch off the main power supply, wait a few minutes, then turn it back on. This of course would screw up all the digital alarm clocks in the house. If that didn't work, I would sneak into my parents room and change their alarm to go off at 11:00am instead of 7:30am.

The plan worked. I thought I was being brilliant, until they decided to stick a battery in the alarm clock as a backup power supply. I obviously got this trickery gene from them and soon realised that my deviousness and intelligence was no match for theirs.

When we were stuck at home to clean, I would sometimes turn the vaccum on and leave it there. I would then drag my feet along the carpet creating the illusion that our Filter Queen had cleaned that room or hallway. It worked for a while, but mum caught on when she noticed my hair was sticking up on end from the static. She'd walk up behind me and touch me, giving me a shock that would run down my spine and out my anus. And as punishment, she gave me the extra duty of laundry and cleaning out the cupboards. I learned my lesson stopped cutting corners, and soon began to take pride in the gleaming floors and the satisfying vacuum patterns on the carpet.

I was becoming a good tidy child. I was becoming disciplined and responsible. I was also becoming my mother.

There was no better example then when my friends came over and walked in with their shoes. "Oh my God!" I'd say, "What are you, stupid? I just spent 2 hours cleaning these floors. You're not a pig so stop acting like one." It didn't occur to me, how big a nelly I sounded, and years later I still do the same thing.

Primping, cleaning, tidying. It was my mothers' trademark. And now, it's mine. Back then it was called being thorough and clean. Nowadays, they call it OCD.

Memories of my mother

2005-08-11T09:51:00.000-04:00

It was an early summer morning and I could hear my mother moving about the house in preparation for work. This was her morning ritual, which she did for many years, before she finally decided to retire early and enjoy life. Every morning though, it was always the same. She never deviated from the plan unless of course she was late. This all occurred many years ago, when we all still lived under the same crazy roof in Oakridges, Ontario. As I lay in bed, I could hear her footsteps as she went down the stairs and let out the dog, made her tea and went to the powder room to do her make-up and hair.

In the midst of this mornings ritual, I could sense a certain rush as she paced about quicker than usual. It wasn't long before I too stirred out of bed, got up and dressed. As I groggily went down the stairs, I noticed a peculiarly odd smell in the air. When I got to the foyer, the smell became even more overpowering. There was a slight haze in the air as well, and I rubbed my eyes believing it to be the residual drowsiness. It didn't seem to help.

As I sniffed the air and looked around, my mother looked at me quizzically and gave me that look of annoyance that told me I was acting weird and to be sure not to get in her way. I was used to that look and began to think it was all in my head, when 20 seconds later she too noticed the odd smell. We both began looking around, when I noticed it was emanating from her.

For the past 3 years I had been working in a garden centre and was quite familiar with plants, and plant products, and this year was no different. I looked at my mother and told her I recognised the smell, walked into the bathroom with her and picked up the can she had been spraying copious amounts of, into her hair and turned the label around.

She looked uncomprehendingly for a moment, then screamed as she realised she had just sprayed about 1/4 of a can of Bug repellent into her hair.

I love my mother. She makes me laugh without intending to.

Note: The title makes it sound like she has passed, but she alive and well, thanks.

That's a lot of Onion Rings

2005-08-10T14:26:00.000-04:00

My father just called me (at work) to tell me he was at my place. Specifically, to tell me he was in my kitchen. I have asked that they call before they do this so that I can prepare myself, but I don't think they understand the concept of privacy. I don't know what possessed me to allow them to keep the second key to my place - I should just change my locks at this point, or better yet, I should just let them walk in on me getting it on with RB, or masturbating to a porn.

So my father tells me he is dropping off a 20 pound bag of onions. By the way, he came via the subway, not a car.
I live alone with my dog - what am I to do with 20 pounds of onions in my small condo? That bag is bigger than dogs food bin.
Speaking of which, he tells me that I left my dishwasher open and that the dog will get to them. I told him that I just washed them and that they hadn't dried properly and that was the reason it was open. Besides, my dog isn't likely to walk up to my dishwasher and lick clean plates, nor is she going to use any of my utensils. Where my father comes up with stuff is beyond me.

My parents have done this on many an occassion. I will be walking up to my building through College Park and I will see my father waving to me from the window, with such vigour that to others, it would appear he was washing my windows. I will enter my unit, and both parents will begin chatting about how to do this on my PC and why I left my clothes on the floor. It never ends. The worse part, is their apparent need to discuss maintenace of my household. I think I am a fairly tidy and clean individual, but my mother will take it upon herself to start cleaning or some such thing. She also likes to save things that she thinks would be re-useable, be they bottles, rubber bands, twist ties, or those super absorbent Scottie Towel papers. YES, she will use the towel papers and then wash them and hang them to dry, to be re-used again.

I pointed out to her that they said disposable on the package.

She doesn't like it when I speak to her like that. For some odd reason, she thinks I am being sarcastic. There have been times where I have gone away to the cottage for a weekend, leaving my place in the care of my mother, only to return home to find the kitchen wallpapered with the stuff.

At least the rest of the condo was clean.

Weekend/Week in Review

2005-08-03T15:32:00.000-04:00

It's been a fairly busy week and I don't have anything particularly thought provoking to say, so here is a run down of the past weekend/week.

It was Caribana in the city, and the city was swarmed with revellers and police. I don't particularly enjoy this weekend because the revellers park out front of College Park and there have been shootings the last 2 years in a row in this area. The police and our building management agreed to secure our building and prevent any trespassers onto property, but it made coming in and out of the condo similar to Fort Knox. The shootings never seem to happen any other time, and RB and I tried to make the best of it and travel around and do a few things away from the crowds. It's unfortunate that a festival can be marred this way.
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Friday after work I went grocery shopping for Miso Honi's (His honourary drag name) birthday party. I was making a spread for about 25 friends and it came out well, save for my nasty burn seen below. The party was a success and the spread was polished off.

Saturday, we woke up late and headed to the Beaches. As RB went to work, I walked around and shopped. We then regrouped and went down to the beach to try to fly his kite. There was no wind so we abandoned the idea, and decided to smoke a bit of pot and ended up laughing our asses off. The beaches and parks were pretty busy, but what stood out was a single family having a picnic. Father was arranging the meal and the little girl was standing facing her dad's back saying;

"Daddy look"
"Daaddy loook"
"Daaddy looook"
"Daaaddy loooook"
"Daaaaddy looooook"
"DADDY LOOK"

I felt like running up to him and screaming "Daddy FUCKING LOOK" but got distracted by the ice cream truck. Pot tends to give me heightened A.D.D. After getting the said ice cream, I decided to parody the kid with smeared vanilla ice cream all over my face. Everyone in the park thought I was a little 'touched'. RB just laughed his ass off. I then had the brilliant idea of plucking crab apples (5 for RB, 5 for me) and then seeing if we could peg each other. RB whacked me on my chin, and we abandoned the boisterous play after I feigned a crybaby episode.

Saturday evening I was finally able to deliver Miso Honi's gifts, 2 paintings I have been working on for the last week.

Sunday - RB and I went back to the beaches and finally got the kite up in the air. Scared a dozen people or so, by nearly clipping them with the kite. Never realised how hard or fun it would be.

Monday - RB took me to my virginal Driving range experience, and was told I was a natural at it...whatever that means. Honestly speaking, how hard could it be? I already had the prerequistes down pat - Sticking my ass out and holding a long phallic thing called a putter or iron couldn't be that hard.

God, my body has been aching ever since.

Wednesday I was in a foul mood and it was topped off by a fish tank emergency. The bottom of my cylindrical tank cracked and sprung a leak. Fishies are now safely in a new pot, but my 100$ vase is in the trash.

New Fish bowl - Chinese earthenware

fishies

The Cable Guy

2005-07-29T09:57:00.000-04:00

I finally succumbed to purchasing the Rogers Cable PVR (Personal Video Recorder) and Digital Box. My condominium recently signed onto a new contractual agreement to provde free boxes to all residents, so that they in turn could then choose what they wanted. Part of this includes 2 months of free service, which RB and I soon realised is a complete waste of time. 800 plus channels, all repeating each other, so that I now have 15 HGTV, 20 Discovery channels, 40 CTV news channels, etc....you catch my drift.

The cable guy came by last Saturday morning at 9:15am. I requested a call in advance as the appointment was from 8-11am, and my door buzzer doesn't work due to the install of Rogers Digital Phone Service (DPS). Four technicians came for that one on 3 separate occassions to try to repair it...unsuccessfully. So for about 3 weeks my buzzer hasn't worked. Anyhow, RB and I are still half asleep, cuddling, when we hear a knock at the door. I rouse myself out of bed and slip on a pair of pants and a shirt, and shut the bedroom door behind me. I go open the door and this is what happens:

Me: Oh hey. I thought I asked you guys to call me.
CG: Sorry man, forgot my cell at home. (grins) You just wake up?
Me: Yeah, just a little groggy.
CG: (wider grin) Heh heh! Rough night eh? (and kinda nudges me with his elbow giving the wink wink)
Me: Um, yeah. Not too bad.
CG: No worries, I'll be quick. So where you want the boxes.
Me: One here and the other in the bedroom.

I point to the bedroom, and just as I do so, RB opens the door and the 2 look at each other. Cable Guys' mouth drops to the floor and almost drops the Digital box. RB looks at him and says "Morning". From this point on, the guy barely could form a sentence and left the boxes on the floor and left. RB and I laughed at his ignorance.

Well, it seems that in his haste to get out of our Humble Homsexual Home, he forgot to send my work order in for completion. My PVR suddenly stopped working last night so I called Cable Service. After going through the VERY annoying automated speech system (Dantallion had a similar experience with Bell), I finally got the guy on the phone.

John: Thank you for calling Rogers Cable, my name is John. How can I help you?
Me: Hi John. My PVR is acting up. It was working fine prior to today. I seem to get a few channels, but everything other channel indicates I am 'unauthorized'.
John: I'm sorry to hear that. We can fix that for you no problem. I just need a few details. Can I get you phone number, address, and postal code.
Me: (I give him the required info)
John: Well I see from here that you have a digital box. Is that correct?
Me: Yes. I had a Digital box and a PVR delivered last Saturday at 9:15am.
John: I don't see that you ordered a PVR. Where did you pick it up, and when?
Me: Ummm, I just said that they were delivered to me last Saturday at 9:15am.
John: No. I don't see that. Are you sure someone didn't pick it up?
Me: John, I think I am pretty sure about that, seeing that it was delivered to my condo by the Cable Guy at 9:15am..
John: Well, I'll need to look into this. Can yuo hold please?
John: (Puts me on hold for a minute & returns) Oh yes, it now says you have 2 digital boxes. What seems to be the problem?
Me: They are not 2 digital boxes. I have 1 digital box in my bedroom which works fine. I also have a PVR that is in my Living space that does not work. As mentioned, I get a few channels and the others say 'unauthorized'.
John: I see. I am sorry to hear that. Is the Digital Box working normally?
Me: Yes, as mentioned, it works fine.
John: And I'm sorry, but were these 2 boxes working when they were installed?
Me: (sigh) Yes John, they were.
John: I'm looking at your account, adn it appears that it has not been fullfilled.
Me: Sorry, what has not been fullfilled?
John: Your work order, Sir.
Me: Well, can you rectify this and fullfill this?
John: Yes, I can. However, before I transfer you, is there anything else I can assist you with?
Me: Transfer me to where?
John: Oh sorry. It's just this is not something I can assist you with, so I will have to connect you to Repair.
Me: I thought you said you could fix this?
John: No Sir, I cannot, onl;y repair can assist you with this.
Me: (sigh) fine. go ahead.
John: Oh, but is there anything else I can assist you with before I transfer you?
Me: Not unless you can fix my PVR, John.
John: Um, no sir, I cannot.
Me: Well then, I guess you can transfer me.

I then get another John in Repair who tries for 10 minutes to fix my issue - fails miserably, then decides he needs to transfer me to another Fullfillment where I was supposed to have been transferred. I then get Network Support Group East (NSG-East) servicing Quebec and Atlantic Canada, en Francais, and am told they cannot assist me because I have the wrong region and the wrong department.

I hang up and then have to go through it all again.

I did finally get it working, after 4 calls and 1 1/2 hours on the phone.

Another list...taken from Dickeybird

2005-07-27T14:08:00.000-04:00

My uncle once: threw me into my parents pool when I was a child (4-5) as a joke. Prior to all this I was able to swim naturally, but this incident caused me to be terrified of water, and I had to re-learn and take lessons. I remember nothing of it. And no, I am not still scared of water.

Never in my life: Have I ever said never.

High school was: an all boys Roman Catholic Jesuit school, called Brebeuf College. I was a dorky knob, with absolutely no suave, sex appeal and even less coordination. Didn't play many sports and somehow survived the antics of hyper, testosterone filled boys.

I will never forget the moment: There are a lot of these...but, I guess the one that stands out is when I began to be true to myself.

I once met: I haven't met anyone, nor do I particularly care. I am not easily star struck.

There is this girl I know: whose surname is Cox, and maiden name is Lovesmore. She is a raging Lesbian.

Once at a bar: A guy came up to me and said I had such beautiful yellow skin. Then asked what my name was. When I told him, he said "Don't you have an Oriental name?" You can read about that wonderful experience here.

Last night I watched: My new fish and Formula 1 Racing with RB.

If only I had: hmmm....No regrets. I am who I am, because of my choices, good or bad.

Next time I go to church: I am going to say out loud to all the sheep and clergy, that "All homosexuals are going to hell, and we should also stone all the adulterous women out there, and that we should be allowed to have incestuous sex with our childrren like Lot and his daughters. Once we do all that, we should then carry-out religous war on all people who are not Christian"

When I turn my head to the left: I see my co-workers cubicle.

When I turn my head to the right:I see my dogs picture.

You know I'm lying when: you won't.

If I were a character written by Shakespeare: I would be Lady Macbeth. "Out damn spot, out!" (of course, I'd be looking at the carpet)

By this time next year: It will be July 27, 2006.

A better name for me would be: I like my name, thanks. But you are welcome to use variations of it as long as it is not "Al".

If I ever go back to school: It would be for something I enjoy, arts related, or gardening or cooking.

You know I like you if: I am listening and laughing and touching your arm or shoulder.

If I won an award: It would be the Darwin Award

Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens, and Geraldine Ferraro are: I know the first 2.

Take my advice: Never let anyone put you down. Stand up for yourslef and be strong. Listen to others and feel free to debate, but never think you're opinion is the only and correct one, that's arrogant.

My ideal breakfast is: eggs, bacon, sausage. Breakfast is my favourite meal.

If you visit my hometown: Tell me about it. I left when I was 9 months old.

If you stay overnight in my house: The dog will whine and be your best friend and I will serve you food and wine and make you as comfy as possible.

I'd stop my wedding to: ask what his name is.

This world could do without: hate, poverty, war, mullets & camel toes.

I'd rather: be at home or on a beach.

My favorite blonde is: Amsterdam

Paperclips are: clips for paper. Also great to be used with elastic bands as a weapon.

If I do anything well: It means I was actually interested or paying attention.

and by the way: I want to rip out my carpet and renovate.

Fish & the Sex List

2005-07-25T14:44:00.000-04:00

Quite the title eh? I'm too lazy to post 2 seprate posts today, so just follow-on.

It's a much needed rainy day in Toronto. The nasty crap on the streets can finally be washed away, and hopefully some fresh air will come bathe the city (One can only dream and hope right?). Last evening I went to China Town with RB to get fresh groceries and also stopped by the Pet & Aquarium Store to look around.

Hmmm, that sentence really shouldn't go there....Seems to make a funny assumption, and I don't eat dog or cat or goldfish...Well, only on high holidays.

Anyhow, we stopped by to pick up some new fish to stock my tank at home, which has lain empty for over a month now since my last fishy funeral. RB purchased them as a present for me, which was incredibly sweet. I, in turn purchased dumplings and groceries and made him a dumpling feast, then made bbq chicken for lunch today. RB always finds going to chinatown, like a trip to another world, and in many ways it is. The fish markets and butchers are quite different from your garden variety Dominions store, and there are little old ladies selling their wares and veggies on the corner (illegally). When the police come, they pick up their produce and try to hobble away (unsuccessfully).

My new fish in my old tank. Kalyx is looking at them below wondering what they are. She rarely ever notices such things, but these buggers dart about quickly and have obviously peeked her short attention span. I 'll have more pics of them up and close tonight (swordtail fish, bottom feeder, and some other little buggers).

This is Bubbles, my Beta fish whom I have had for 6 months now, thank you very much! (Not all my original fish are dead!)

------------------------------

Alright, now to the Sex List...I stole this from Holding The Man. Take from it what you will about my sexual inclinations and preferences, but I'm glad a whole lot of other questions weren't asked.

Here's the list;

Instructions:

Copy this entire list into your blog/journal.
Bold everything about you that is true.
Leave plain everything that is false about you.
Put an asterisk (*) at the end of false statements you would like to be true.

I have had sex while wearing a blindfold.
I have blindfolded someone else during sex.
I have had sex while watching porn.
I sleep better after sex.
There are some nights I cannot sleep without sex or masturbating.
I masturbate more than once per day.
The bed is NOT my most favorite place to have sex.
I am turned on knowing someone is watching me masturbate.
I enjoy watching others having sex or being watched during sex.
I will have sex with someone I just met if they turn me on.
I have had sex with two different individuals (at seperate times) during the course of one day.
I have been tied up during sex.
I have had sex with someone who was tied up.
I have dripped wax onto a lover's body.
I have had a lover drop wax on my body.
I have a foot/sock/shoe fetish.
I have a leather fetish.
I have a tickle fetish.
Watching someone urinate (or being watched while urinating) is a turn-on.
I have had sex in a vehicle.
I have had sex while driving a vehicle.
I have been to a sex club or bathhouse.
I like being choked during sex.
My lovers would describe me as kinky.
I shave (or trim) the hair on or around my genitals.
The smell of my lover's sweat turns me on.
I have erotic art on display somewhere in my residence.
Dirty talk during sex turns me on.
I enjoy pornographic magazines.
I have a collection of porno movies.
Erotic toys are a regular part of my budget.
I have clicked on porn links in my email.
I regularly look at porn sites on the internet.
Much of what I know about sex comes from porn.
Interracial sex turns me on.
I would participate in sex research if given the opportunity.
My current lover does not sufficiently meet my sexual needs.
I have had sex at my place of employment.*
I am often disappointed in my sexual relationships.
Some people might describe me as a nymphomaniac.
I am difficult to live with if I'm not having sex on a regular basis.
I sleep better with someone snuggled up next to me.
I have had sex under water.
I have had sex outdoors.
I have had sex in a public place or where I might have been discovered.
I have had sex in a bathroom stall.
I have had sex in the snow.*
I am or have been in a polyamorous relationship.
I have participated in three-ways or orgies.
I have to have music playing during sex.
I have flashed strangers.
I have given sex as a gift.
I have set up a three-way for my lover.(*?)
I stopped during this list to have sex.
All day I think about sex.

I am....................

2005-07-22T14:10:00.000-04:00

When I was growing up, I had the luxury of living in a fairly culturally-eclectic household. It was the 70’s and immigration had mostly been limited to Europeans. The Chinese Exclusion Act had banned any Asian immigrants from 1923-1947, and it was still a novelty to see Chinese people in Toronto neighbourhoods. They’d come by our home and wonder if we ate with chopsticks and would ask how to use them. Sometimes they would look in our backyards, thinking we had filled in the pool in place of a rice paddy.

Well, it really wasn’t like that, but there were some major cultural things that made us stand out in the community.

My best friend was this sweet beautiful Czech/German girl whom I met on the monkey bars in the park across the street. I was 3 and she was 4. She was a Tom-boy and I was a blossoming faggot. We were best friends for many years, and hung out all the time. This post isn’t about her, but her family welcomed me into their home and showed me what White folk did on a daily basis, and if not for them, I would likely be blowing my nose on a sidewalk these days, by plugging one nostril and blowing hard through the other.

In my home, the mix of cultural and ethnic backgrounds was fairly unique. My dad was born in Shanghai, China, but moved to Taiwan before the Cultural Revolution. He was a strong disciplinarian with a Mandarin Chinese accent. My mum, was born and raised in Calcutta India, raised in a British colony and had an Anglo-Indian accent. My father spoke Mandarin to my mother, Shanghainese to his parents, and English or Mandarin to us. My mum spoke the same, but also spoke a dialect called Hakka to my brother and I. When we went out with their friends or to a restaurant, they would speak Cantonese. It made for an interesting childhood, and I still get words mixed up in different languages.

The food in our home was always Fusion. Bullocks to those new-wave fusion chefs who think they were so inventive and creative in culinary design - we were doing it back in the 70’s. Everything we ate, had an Asian or Indian flair to it. Neighbourhood BBQ’s were always interesting, because we would have Tandoori chicken or spicy BBQ chicken wings – way before wings were considered normal to eat.

The differences certainly made life interesting. We never had desserts after dinner. Fruits were dessert, and the occassonal bag of chips or jello were a treat. So, when I went over to my friends place across the street and looked in her mothers’ cupboards, I was dumbfounded to see things like fruit roll-ups, beef jerky, candies, cookies, Kraft Dinner, Pogo sticks etc. In contrast, our cupboards were stocked to the rafters with dried fish, dried squid, salty preserved prunes, Thousand year old duck eggs, and Chinese preserved sausages.

Thousand Year Old Duck Eggs

When we had our White Canadian friends over, we didn’t have much choice in what we could offer. Honestly, pickled fish, sea cucumber or duck eggs on toast aren't something your average White kid is gonna want to chow down on, so over the years Mum began to introduce new and fascinating things into our pantry that were a little more appetizing for the neighbourhood kids. Popsicles , pop and Premium crackers with cheese or peanut butter became the staple around our home.

Food wasn't the only thing different. I would often observe my friends talking back to their parents or ignoring them, and was completely flabbergasted that their parents didn't smack them across the side of their heads. In my household, if I refused to take my arms off the table, my Dads' chopsticks would turn from Culinary utensil into a "flying Beat your ass silly" weapon. I still can't believe how fast his hands moved. He'd be picking a slice of gelatinous ducks egg off a plate one second, the next, the chopstick would be leaving a red nasty mark on my hand for having disobeyed his rules.

Asian parents really have no qualms about disciplining their kids. This may seem like an over-generalisation, but in Asian culture, respect, honour, family and obediency are tantamount. If one fails any of these, their ass is grass. Simple as that. When I got in trouble, I knew what was coming. I simply wasn't intelligent enough to avoid it. And if I had the gall to speak up and say something back, it was like watching a Phoenix rise from the ashes. My fathers eyes would slant and his face would turn a beet red. You just either ran and screamed like a girl, or you just stood there and took the fury that you brought upon yourself.

When I think about it now, globalization and multiculturalism have really made some major strides. Growing up in the 70's as a Chinese kid was pretty cool, because you were the first real wave of new Asian immigrants in a long time. It was the beginning of multiculturalism and of acceptance, and though there were many many episodes where I wanted to be invisible, and not stand out, I also am thankful for what it has taught me. I was experiencing the world as it changed, as it accepted people. My perspective and identity have been shaped by each of those experiences, be they good or bad. I have ingrained in me a sense of belonging and diversity that far exceeds simply being Asian, gay, Mandarin, Shanghainese, Hakka or Indian. I am all of these things, proudly wrapped in one phrase...

I am Canadian

emptiness & cigarrettes

2005-07-21T09:01:00.000-04:00

I walk through this city and see broken templates of future adults. Broken people, whose lives are spread out on benches, doorways or street corners. I wonder what it is exactly that has put them here on these streets. Some show burden on their dirty faces, some move with a disconnected energy brought on by meth abuse. The visual effects are dizzying as you see them move, arms swinging exagerratedly, scratching at their crystalised skin. Bodies taut and toned, but suffering to the very core.

It’s 8:09 am and the Chinese men and women are exercising in the park. They have just thrown bread for the pigeons who waddle and peck hungrily at the ground. A few metres away, a shirtless man of about 17 is also searching the ground, moving with a disjointed desperation, until he finds a half smoked cigarrette. He pockets it, and continues his picking. I walk by him and he pays little attention to me but to move aside. He glances up at me briefly and I look directly at him. The body is dirty with earth and the arms have scratches and broken vessels. He looks at me, but the look is hollow and despite the heat, I feel a shiver run through my body. The emptiness in his eyes is like a black hole, and I have to turn away. I am afraid that I will get pulled in. Then I think, maybe he turned away because he couldn’t bear to look at me.

Funny, how humbling a look can be.

I walk away, but my heart already hurts for I too have lost a friend to the streets.

I wonder where his parents are, what they are thinking. Does he think of them, or just the cigarrette in his pocket.

The foolish antics of a foolish child

2005-07-15T15:19:00.000-04:00

When I was kid, I used to believe everything required fair attention and treatment. I was a bit neurotic about this and would kiss each of my stuffed animals equally before I went to bed. If I kissed one cheek on my bunny, it meant I had to kiss the other side, so that the other side wouldn't be jealous. This of course, meant I had to do the same double kiss to all my stuffed animals. Invariably, bedtime took an hour because of this ritual.

When I used to walk to and from school, I would count how many steps I took on each square block of pavement so that the next would also receive the same treatment. If I started with my right foot on the first block and ended on my left foot, the next square block would mean I would have to start with my left foot, and end with my right. If I went to school on the East side of the street, it meant I had to go home on the West side of the street. The next day I would have to reverse it.

Looking back on all this, one might think it were a bit Obsessive compulsive, and I wouldn't blame them. I often find myself repeating things over and over again, not even realising I have been doing it. It seems to occupy my mind while I mentally mull over things, sort of like elevator music while grocery shopping. I've grown used to it and I've also toned it down. No longer do I count my steps and the amount of times I bite my food on my left, or right side.

All of this I believe might have some bearing on why I am always able to argue and see both sides to an issue. I find it particularly frustrating dealing with bull-headed individuals who aren't willing to step out of their sheltered coccoon to discuss and converse about ideas, be they in agreement or not. One can never agree with everything another person says - that's absurd. I recently told Nomi that as friends we can't just blindly agree with one another because we think we have to. As good friends we have to be willing to say the truth, and in turn be willing to hear the truth. That's what friends are for. That is what friends are.

The frustration wasn't any different then my childhood OCD complex. If I was somehow prevented from completing my "equalizing" exercises (so I call them now), I would fret and freak about not having done things properly. If I was walking home with a school friend who insisted on walking on the West side, when everyone knew that we had to walk on the East side, I would plot revenge on my fellow walker for thwarting my attempts at satisfying my mania.

It wasn't until I was older that I began to realise how truly odd I was. Well, "realisation" is not so much the word as "obvious". It comes fast when kids call you "freak" or "loser" all the time. I wasn't exactly a kid that attracted the right kind of attention. I was always in trouble, and considered a bit of a scholastic moron. Grades were not my forte and math was even worse and I have the strong suspicion that I had Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). All of these characteristics are still there, but rather than run from them, I suppose I embrace it now. When you're a lonely kid on the outside, you can either choose to completely turn inward, or you try harder to succeed and thrive.

Mum and Dad actually thought I was retarded and were scared to have another kid. They love to regale their friends and family with the story of how as a child I would bang my head quite violently on the bed or pillow to go to sleep. The story goes that when they came to Canada and visited my A-po (grandmother) they put me to bed in my crib. I immediately started to bang my soft little head on the pillow to the horror of my grandmother, who in turn also thought I was retarded. They left the room and came back 10 minutes later to check up on me and found the crib had moved across the wooden floor from one wall to the other.

This odd behaviour developed even further as I grew. I could never sit still, never focus, and would lie about just about anything. As mentioned before, I have always had a salt craving, and love chips. My mum does as well, and she would often stock her cupboard with bags of chips. I would come home from school, tear a bag open and eat it, then stop in horror at what I had done. In desperation, I came up with the brilliant idea to take a pair of scissors and chew the bag up, later claiming mice were in the house and had gotten into the bag. My poor parents actually entertained this and went out and bought mouse traps filled with peanut butter. When we didn't catch anything, I told them it was because they didn't put chips in the trap.

This brilliance of mine got me in more trouble than I'd like to say, like my Report card episode, which I wrote about before (re-excerpted below)

---------------------------------------------------

I still remember Report Card Day, when report cards were handed out, for us to give to our parents. Who does such a thing? I was terrified, and upon opening it to see a plethora of C’s, D’s and the occasional E, I decided it would be a brilliant idea to use Liquid paper to cover them over and write in a more acceptable grade. Completely oblivious to my own stupidity, I also decided it would be completely unnoticeable if I liquid papered the scathing comments section:

Alex ~~, although bright,~~ is ~~, often lazy and un~~ willing to do homework. His ~~lack of~~ focus is evident in his ~~lack of~~ rewards and accomplishments in class.

I looked upon my handy work and thought how brilliant I truly was, and how my teacher was more of an idiot for failing to see my hidden genius. I thought the mark of an intelligent man was in how they covered up a major fuck up. Of course, my parents weren’t stupid. They knew something was up, upon opening an already opened report card to see half the report card covered in crackling lumpy liquid paper. It might have worked a little better had I given the liquid paper time to dry, instead of trying to score the letter into the moist liquid paper like a kid carving his name in wet cement. Needless-to-say, the whole plot blew up in my face.

------------------------------------

My attempts at covering up my stupidity are many, and nowadays I don't bother. I just admit to them. There really is no point. If I couldn't fool the adults as a kid, I can''t fool them now.

Tagged

2005-07-14T11:14:00.000-04:00

...Tagged by Sister Staceypatrick.

10 years ago:I was still in University studying Fine Arts Theory and Psychology, but spending more time in the pubs. I was living in Richmond Hill at the time, with a 2-3 hour commute to school or downtown. I was 6'1, and weighed 145 pounds wet.

5 years ago: I was a newbie working for the Wireless telecom company I am at now. I was in the process of making my first move away from home, to live with my best friend AM (aka. Monkey). I was a little too heavy into the party scene, and JLo's song "Waiting for Tonight" was all over the charts. I was 6'1 and weighed 148 pounds wet.

1 year ago: A lot had happened since the move to Toronto. 1 Year ago, I was living at my condo (2 years by then), and was figuring bits and pieces about my life and gluing them together. I was in a major spiritual, mental and emotional transition. I had been blogging since December 30th, 2003. I had just gotten back from China in mid June, and it had begun to change my outlook on life. I was also having major stomach gas issues, not that any of y'all needed to know that. I was 6'1 and weighed 148 pounds wet
Yesterday: I finished a rather busy but productive day at work, and went home to find RB busy playing with himself. I ignored him of course and decided to cook roast chicken and steamed broccoli, with rice. RB of course wanted me to cook a salmon recipe that I told him about, so I sent him off to go get 1 large salmon filet with skin, which of course 30 mins later he returns with 2 small filets with no skin, and 2 filet mignon steaks. Needless to say, we had a large dinner, much to his delight. We then watched Kill Bill2, and went to bed. Also noticed that the refurbishment of the Condo corridors is going well. Exciting, I know. I am stll 6'1 and have no idea how much I weigh.

Today: An aberration. I woke up pawing RB. Came to work, made fun of RB and wrote another post regarding a Police Brutality with 51 Division ona freinds bar/restaurant establishment. Please read it below...it made me angry as hell. It is still 11:14 am. I checked, and I am 6'1 and weigh 154 pounds with underwear on.

Tomorrow: I may go see parents, but want to also visit friends P&G, and maybe go swimming.

5 snacks I enjoy: Chips, snow peas, edamame beans (Soya beans), pickles, peanut butter (straight outta the bottle)

5 bands/singers that I know the lyrics of MOST of their songs: Depeche Mode, Pet Shop Boys, The Cure, Sarah Maclachlan (you know which era I gre up in, right?)
5 things I would do with $100,000,000: Pay off mortgage for parents, brother, and myself. Help out family a bit. Take a vacation and bring friends along to some nice hot private island. Buy property and build my dream home, and open my own business and go to school. Start up a fund for inner city kids scholarships, and with all that money donate to a few of my fave causes.

5 locations I'd like to run away to: Dunno about runaway, but it would have to be close to nature with water, mountain and sky: Carribbean, Australia, New Zealand, Morocco, Spain.

5 bad habits I have: I am terribly forgetful, never remember names/faces, plan on doing big reno projects but never start, chew my nails, appear a little too dominant or pushy at times.

5 things I like doing: cooking, entertaining, writing, having interesting conversations, relaxing and being introspective.
5 things I would never wear: over-sized clothing (a la hip-hop, rap), things with large labels, gold, stilhettoes

5 TV shows I like: Discovery channel things, Rough Cuts (CBC), documentaries, This Hour has 22 minutes, ick Mercer's Monday Report, that's about it.

5 movies I like: The Breakfast Club, Finding Neverland, Joy Luck Club, Memento, Le Violin Rouge.

5 famous people I'd like to meet: Kurt Vonnegut, Oprah, Ellen Degeneres, Belinda Stronach, the devil.

5 biggest joys at the moment: RB (Rib Breaker), my friends, my new found honesty in life, health, sun.

5 favorite toys: RB (Rib Breaker), camera, blackberry, piano, cookware set.

Tagging: Hasn't everyone already been tagged?

Police Brutality during Pride: A mis-use of power

2005-07-14T10:02:00.000-04:00

Hi All, Please read this and spread the news around. I know Amir from long ago, when he first opened the bar, and thoughI have not heard this information directly from him, I am concerned that if true, it should be of concern. I too was harrassed many years ago by officers (but from 52 division) who made fun of my surname and also called me a Chink and gook. I wasn't manhandled or beaten, but I have had enough questionable incidences with police to warrant a little suspicion. I got this from a friend who pulled it from the message forum from FAB: the Gay scene magazine.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

This is an open letter from Amir at Bar Babylon outlining his side of events that transpired there last week. (I've grabbed it off of the Tribe message Board).

The whole incident leaves a bad taste in one's mouth. I hope that amir and his family are OK and that things work out soon (and in their favour)
______________________________

to whom it may concern;

my name is amir ebrahimnia. i am the owner of babylon martini & musique boutique at 553 church street in downtown toronto. we are a well-known, award winning establishment with an international reputation as one of the finest martini bars in north america.

on saturday june 25th of 2005 my family and i were brutally assaulted and humilliated by a handful of city public and peace officers.

my intent with the following story is to get the truth to my patrons and everyone who has shown such support for us. i need to set the record straight. i think it is important for the truth to be told.

here is my full statement on the events leading to my arrest on saturday, june 25th, 2005.

i was at work, behind the third floor bar, when approached by a staff member and told of a confrontation on the first floor. i quickly left my post and ran downstairs to find my father surrounded by 6 or 7 plain-clothed gentlemen and and a woman. the gentlemen were all large, over 6 ft. tall and were, on average, all 300 lbs. each. the woman was about 5'4", small figure, short dark hair. as i approached the gathering and quickly realized my father was being ridiculed and insulted for his accent.

there were two men hassling him and arguing with him, while the others approached me. thats when the argument started. they asked me to close the bar; i asked them why. they stated i was over-crowded. i argued with them on the facts and they did not want to accept my concerns. i agreed to close the bar. they asked me to start up on the 3rd floor and move it down.

i went to the 3rd floor, turned on the lights from behind the bar, i then approached the dj booth and cut the music. i then had to tell my clientele why they were being asked to leave.

i told them, how i had been in business for 11 years. i told them how 9 out of those 11 years we had never had a problem such as the one right now. and i told them this would probably be the last time my business would be open. and with everything happening right now, there would be no way i could afford to open up again. they had destroyed us.

the customers listened and we shook hands. good-byes were said and the room was cleared. i then continued to the second floor where i did the exact same thing. lights, music, goodbyes.

as i was finishing up with the second floor, there were 5 of the mentioned gentlemen observing my actions to inform my costumers of what was actually happening. as i walked by them to head for first floor, one of the officers elbowed me. they started arguing with me again. one of them tried to tell me what a fool i was making of myself, while another gentleman pretended not to understand my accent. in reality, i don't really have an accent – as anyone who knows me is aware. my parents do. another gentleman called me an idiot several times and said how i wouldn't be in this situation if i wasn't an idiot. the back-and-forth insults continued. one officer started pushing me. i told him not to touch me, he asked what i would do about it? another officer continued to call me an idiot as another shoved me. my mother (60 years of age) started to scream "why? "why are you doing this to us??" they told her to shut up as they continued to push and insult me. she came forward to help me and they grabbed her and man-handled her. she fell ill to the ground; i panicked and asked everyone to calm down.

they wouldn't back up.

they reached for my mom, not to help her but to hold her out of the way. my father came up and joined the confrontation.

up until this point, there were no physical contact between any of us and the officers. as a matter of fact, up until this point, no badge was shown by the ladies and gentlemen in question. i made them aware of this fact at this point. that’s when one officer pulled out his badge as he started laughing; "are you happy now? boy, now you’re really fucked"

another officer turned to me and said; " i will make it my life-long hard-on to fuck you, my friend," as he chuckled and turned around.

we took my mother downstairs to the first floor and laid her down on the couch. she was having difficulty breathing. i approached two officers by the front door and asked them for help, and to call 911. one chuckled, while the other one gave me a look as if i wasn't speaking her language, and said; " you have a telephone. you dial 911"

i ran behind the bar and dialed 911. i spoke to the 911 operator, gave my name & address and was explaining her condition - when again, the officers entered the property to my twelve o’clock and tried to force my parents out of our property. they went for my mother and that’s when i threw a martini shaker at the wall to my three o’clock, yelling at them to leave us alone. by this point, the bar had been cleared of all customers. there was only myself, my mother, father and 3 bartenders. there was absolutely no reason for them to still be on my property. the bar was shut down. they were not helping an emergency. they were not serving or protecting anyone.

this was their time for sweet payback. all the back-and-forth name-calling upstairs and making them feel small in front of customers. along with the obvious knowledge of dealing with minorities. these officers felt it would be appropriate to attack us.

i was brutally attacked by what seemed to be all of them. they ran behind the bar where i was still on the phone with 911, and as i screamed for help the phone dropped and i was pummelled to the ground. i was continuously punched in the face, kicked in the ribs, and twisted. i thought at first that they wanted to arrest me, so i loosened my arm for them to handcuff.

instead, my arms were stretched out so i would be out of fetal position while i was viciously assaulted. one officer grabbed me by the hair and started smashing my head on the tile floor while another officer was smashing my neck, face, shoulders, and knees with his boot, pounding it down on my face, neck and shoulder.

they said things like," you had to be a fucking smartass didn't you." , "we're so gonna fuck you up. oh boy, your gonna wish you were dead when we're through with you."

they kept on saying stop resisting arrest while i wasn't resisting arrest. when i realized they wanted more than to arrest me, is when i tightened up. i really didn't know what to do anymore. i thought somebody was going to die - either my mother on the couch or me getting pummeled by 8 huge 300lbs gorillas who were very much enjoying the festivities. i could feel them enjoying it. i could hear what they were saying. and yes, i do speak & feel in english.

i repeatedly asked them to stop. i told them i wasn't resisting. “please don't hurt me.” i begged them to stop, but they all wanted to get a punch or a kick in.

finally, when it ended, they hand-cuffed me and took me out to the police car waiting outside.

the police car took me off, pulled over on gloucester street, stopped the vehicle and read me my rights. they asked me if i understood; i said yes.

i asked the officers to loosen my cuffs because they were on too tight and were cutting my circulation, they told me the cuffs would come off when we got to the station. we got to the 51 division police station and had to sit and wait for a good 30 minutes for the door to open so the police car could enter the garage bay. the officers driving the vehicle felt sorry for me and loosened the cuffs. to the officers’ observation, my hands were white, cold and clammy.

i entered the station, where i was taken to a room and strip-searched. they made me take off my clothes and turn everything inside out. i was then asked to lift my scrotum and then my leg.

all dressed up again, i was taken to an interview room/cell. i could feel the air conditioner was turned up. i can only assume on purpose.

after 2 hours in holding, i was visited by one of the officers who had assaulted me earlier. he read the charges against me:

1 count; obstruct peace officer C.C. 129(a)
1 count; assault with weapon C.C. 267(a)
1 count; resisting or obstructing public or peace officer C.C. 129(a)

i was asked if i understood. i said yes. he told me i had to appear for finger-printing and picture-taking and to hear the court date.

i was asked to sign several papers. one of which was included that i had refused to make my phone call. being that it wasn't true, i refused to sign this particular form. they did not seem to mind. they had their fun already. it was all back to procedure again for our officers of peace.

i was free to go.

though severely injured, i did not seem to feel the pain till the next day. i went to my parents’ house to check up on my mother. she was still in shock, kept crying and screaming. my father was in no better shape but we were being strong to make sure she's ok. my mother wouldn't say anything. she just kept shaking and crying and cursing this country to hell.

neither one of us has slept in 4 days. we close our eyes and see saturday night. i find myself fighting in bed. cursing and swearing at my imaginary 51 div. officers. i am bruised from head to toe, but that will heal.

what will not heal is being humiliated. being insulted and beaten by the men who patrol not only my place of work, but also my neighborhood of residence.

my father, who is a very well-known and well-respected iranian businessman being treated like a monkey.

one officer in question, the female officer with the short dark hair to be exact, would tell him to stand aside and point to a specific spot for him to stand. he would do so. she then told him not there. there. as they pointed to across the room. he'd go stand there. they'd again point in the opposite direction of the room. not there! here! several times until finally they kicked him in the ass and tossed him out of our own property. they chuckled. they made fun of him. they ridiculed us.

when they got us all out of the property, they took all the bottled liquor and dumped all the bottled beer from the fridges down the sink. they left the fridge doors open . to make sure the fridge compressors would burn out. tables and chairs thrown around. glasses broken on purpose. they ransacked the bar completely making sure it would be impossible to open up. ever.

we have been made examples of. they wanted to show what they could do, the power they hold, and they assumed there would be nothing we could do about it.

the next day, (pride sunday), the pain started to kick in and the swelling became obvious. i was at home, on alexander street, as i found myself having difficulty breathing.

i dialed 911 at noon. the 911 operator asked me the regular questions, address, what was wrong, and how did it happen. i answered her questions and she informed me the ambulance would be here shortly and for me to leave my door open.

by this point i couldn't walk. both my legs and ankles were trampled. nothing broken. just a lot of excruciating pain. my head injuries were worsening, i was nauseous and the vision in my right eye was blurry. going in and out of consciousness. my left shoulder felt dislocated and my right elbow wasn't in much better shape.

i waited and waited for hours. no ambulance. at 2:30pm i received a phone call from a sargeant from 51 division asking me if i called for an ambulance. i told them i had called 911 2 hours ago. she informed me an ambulance could not be sent to me unless accompanied by a 51 division officer escort. i asked her why, she stated because of the nature of my injuries. i told her i needed an ambulance and under the circumstances, i did not want the presence of a 51 division officer. she told me, "no ambulance then?"

i insisted i needed medical help. they refused to send an ambulance with out an officer. yet they wouldn't say they are refusing me. just that it would have to be with an officer. i asked for 52 division; they refused. it had to be 51 division.

i turned her down.

again, i called 911 for the second time at 3:00pm. they sounded scared to send an unaccompanied paramedic team to my location. i had been charged with assaulting a police officer. i was considered dangerous. i asked them several times; "are you refusing me medical attention?" they said no. again i asked for an ambulance but without saying no, again they gave me the run around. "not without a police officer." or "so do you want an ambulance?" over and over again...

"do you want an ambulance?"

"yes i do. but i don't want a 51 div. officer! bring the swat team for all i care! i don't want 51 div. anywhere near me! i want an ambulance!"

"not without 51 div. officer" ; "do you want an ambulance?"

the broken record continued. i dialed 911 five times on sunday, and finally i agreed to the 51 division patrol to accompany the paramedics.

the ambulance arrived at 7:30 pm. there were no officers.

i was taken to st. michaels hospital and examined. nothing broken. lots of shock to my body. visible bruises to my face, ankles, knees, ribs, elbows and shoulder. i had my x-rays taken. the doctor suggested i go right away to the police station and report the assault. he spoke to someone at 52 division and they were expecting me with a forensics officer to photograph the injuries.

i am very happy to say that the way i was treated at 52 division was the difference of night and day from their counterpart peace officers at 51 division. they felt bad for what had happened. the forensics officer whom examined me, felt so bad he apologized for the wrong some police do. he has been a cop for over 25 years and it made him sick to see this kind of behavior. he even joked and said; "no offence, but i couldn't see you beating up anyone."

he's right. i'm 5'6" and weigh 138 lbs.

all said and done. still remains the humiliation.

this is not why we immigrated to your country. this is not why we contributed to your canada. this is not what we left our homelands for.

we are not your slaves. we are not yours to do with as you please. just because someone doesn't speak your language, it doesn't make them a baboon. we did not commit such a crime to be treated like animals. we were over-crowded.

the city of toronto invites millions of people to come celebrate a gay event on a gay street with 4 blocks in length. there are about 20 licensed establishments that have to cater to the invited. the beer gardens close at 11:00pm. and liquor license is extended till 4:00am to only selected establishments. where do you expect the crowd to go after 11:00pm?

why is it, we never see the police or the inspectors all year sometimes, but always on gay pride? how is this not systematic?

while the beer gardens are in operation, there is no business for us. yet the inspectors NEVER show up before 11:30pm. they enjoy giving the crowd half an hour do disperse to the bars before they come in with their sticks.

those are the facts. as ugly as it may be. again, i'd like to thank you all. our costumers were our family and friends. the neighborhood has brought us nothing but the joy we have experienced in the past 11 years. my family and i have learned a lot from the village and it has made us better people.

it was an honor to serve you.

thank you all for taking the time to read this statement. and i wish you all a wonderful canada day.

kind regards,

amir ebrahimnia
babylon martini & musique boutique